Monday, April 1st, I really started feeling labor come on, although my due date was still 2 weeks away. By Tuesday I was feeling it even more, but was in denial because I had some more things I wanted to get done first. Braden asked me if I was going to make it through the day because he would be in a mission and wouldn't be accessible. I assured him I would be fine. But I decided to bring in the box of newborn clothes and wash them. Just in case. I opened my Pampers newborn diapers and got high on baby love just breathing them in. Between looking at all those tiny tiny clothes that I have put on 3 other tiny tiny girls, and the smell of those diapers, I was feeling maternally intoxicated. I sent Braden a text to remind him how adorable diapers and onesies are, and told him that I was excited. Jen called and asked if we wanted to go to lunch so we settled on Costco so I could stock up on groceries. Just in case. I started to feel worse and worse and contemplated cancelling with her. But then I decided that if I took all the girls out of the house then it would stay clean, which I wanted, just in case. When we got back home I started bleeding, a danger sign of the placenta previa that had ruined my dreams of having the hippy water birth I
so wanted. I called the doctor who said that I should go to the hospital. Of course, Braden was in the box on a mission so I left a message with someone in his office to have him meet me at Labor & Delivery when he came back. I quickly packed a bag that I hoped I wouldn't have to use, and Jen met me at the gate and took the girls. When I got to the hospital I discovered that Braden had beat me there and was downstairs getting me admitted. They told me I was at 4 cm and was in labor. Which I was glad to know because you'd hate to be in horrid unspeakable pain and not know about it. I knew I still had a good long night in front of me so I told them I would come back when I was ready. They had me sign a paper saying I would come back when I had all the bulleted indications of true labor. The nurse read them and said, "Well, you have all of these. You really should stay here". I signed the paper and told her I'd be back.
I went home and did some things around the house. Braden brought the kids home. We fed them and as he worked on getting them in bed I sat in the front room in my favorite rocker listening to the Last of the Mohicans soundtrack on the Ipod. Lila was born to Rocky and she's the toughest kid we have so I figure it couldn't hurt to try for that again. Every few minutes a girl would come in and ask me to watch a spin or a twirl or ask to hear a song. Anabelle asked if I was feeling sick. I told her I was having a baby. She said, "Oh. I hope you feel better soon". I rocked for a while longer, feeling sad that I missed my chance to rock with Maisey in her room one last time and say all of our usual things to each other before Braden likely takes over. I adore ending my days with her.
Things start to pick up and the intensity increases. I ask Braden to give me a blessing before it gets worse. It is one of the most beautiful blessings I have ever heard. He said through this I will understand something of the Savior's suffering. He told me that the Savior has suffered all things and truly knows what I am about to go through and to think of Him and turn to Him for comfort. He said to know that Heavenly Father is aware of what I am going through. I was reminded that this baby is excited to come to our family. He ended by saying that because of the things that I will teach this baby, she will touch many lives in magnificent ways. This made me cry. It was a sobering moment of both joy and great responsibility, and perhaps most of all, a profound sense of gratitude to be a mother. He told me later that that was one of the more powerful blessings he has ever given.
Braden had called MaShay to come stay with the girls and I asked him to call and see how far away she was. I was feeling anxious to go to the hospital so I could get in the birthing tub and hopefully relieve some of the pain and pressure. I decided to go outside in the brisk air and walk to keep things moving. At this point the inevitability of it all was descending upon me and I thought it best that I move things along and get it over with. I walked slowly and ever so painfully up and down the sidewalk. I watched airplanes flying patterns over the house to try to distract me. After a few minutes each step became more painful than the last and my hips felt like they were carrying hundreds of pounds each. Braden sat on the porch, talking to his Mom on the phone. I wanted both our Moms to know that I was in labor because I knew they would pray for me and I felt like I needed prayers. Especially Mom prayers. I asked him to call somebody else to come so we could leave. He assured me MaShay was almost there. I was aching to be in the birthing tub. After a few more laps down the street she came, and we left.
Braden broke just about every traffic law possible, mostly for his own entertainment I think. He seems to feel invincible from receiving a ticket every time I am labor.
Several people offer to get me a wheelchair but I keep refusing. I just want to get this baby out and I want to help that process along. They make sure to put me in a room with a tub because that is the first thing I want everyone to know: I will be laboring in the tub. They first insist that they take my vitals for a few minutes. I meet the doctor on call, who I've never seen before, of course. After learning that I am trying to VBAC and that I have previa, and that I was in earlier for bleeding, she doesn't seem enthusiastic about the whole thing. Then she notices that the baby's heart rate doesn't look too good. She gets nervous and calls in another doctor who has likely delivered half the Utah population because he is that old. All the while I am struggling. They tell me that I will not be going in the tub because it could encourage a hemorrhage. The feeling in the room was really not conducive to a natural labor. They made me get an IV of fluids to see if it would help the baby's heart rate, the bright lights were on right over me, and the medical staff seemed to be in a half circle around my bed discussing possible scenarios and what-ifs. I felt stress on top of excruciating pain. I really didn't want it to end in a c-section after I went through natural labor. And even more than that, I really didn't want to be asleep when my baby was born like I was with Anabelle. I hated that. It was for me the worst possible setting to have to labor in. I wanted to talk to the anaesthesiologist because this whole thing seemed plain stupid. He came and I told him I wanted an epidural in case it ended in a c-section. I didn't want it to get to an emergency situation and then have to be put under. Braden was trying to gently dissuade me from getting one because of the risk of spinal headaches I had as a result of the last one. It was so hard to think clearly. I hated the situation and the uncertainty of it all. They kept saying they would wait until a contraction stopped to talk about it but they weren't stopping. They were long and they were hard and everyone was just staring at me, waiting. The doctor sat chatting with Braden and I asked him to check me. I think he said I was a 9 so I told them to cancel the epidural and we would just forge ahead. For family home evening the night before we had watched a movie about the Savior's Crucifixion for Easter. I remember watching as he was whipped and wanting so much to look away because it is almost too much to even contemplate. What struck me that night was how he just took it and the manner in which he endured the pain. I thought of that as I was in the most intense part of labor. I thought of how Braden told me that They were aware of me, and knew how I was feeling. It was valuable to think of His suffering in the very moment that I was enduring
my greatest suffering. It allowed me to realize the true magnitude of the atonement. I understand that I can never truly begin to fathom all He endured and all that He suffered. A very humbling thing to contemplate, as I have done in the last few weeks. I prayed over and over in the weeks preceding her birth that it would be peaceful. That is not how I would describe it. I guess what I needed more than the hippy water birth of my dreams was a real life lesson about the Saviors love, that could have been learned in no other way.
She was born at 9:58pm weighing 6lbs 13 ounces.
She came right to me and I held her, feeling the rush of emotion that can only come in that exact moment. Relief that it is over. Relief that she is healthy. Amazed that this baby just came out of me. Wonder at the miracle of it all. Love for this new precious perfect spirit. Grateful to be her Mom. A hundred different things all in one moment.
After a few minutes they took her away because she hadn't really been breathing and was turning quite dark. She pinked right up was just fine. I then hemorrhaged and they worked on getting the bleeding under control for a few minutes. Once again the Dr. worked his million year old magic and got it to stop.
We took her home the next day as Baby Girl Reynolds which she remained for the next week.
Finally, we decided she was Elise.
Elise Hazel Reynolds, born April 2, 2013.
I really don't know how we could be any happier.
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| 6 hours before she was born |
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| Best moment there could ever be |
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| They noticed the band aid on her foot and were really upset by the fact that they hurt our baby. |
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| Smiliest newborn I have seen. |
