Remembering Irma and doing something about it

I made a goal this year to go to the temple once a week. All of a sudden it was Saturday and I realized I hadn't gone yet and needed to. I left the house around dinner time, telling Braden that I was just going to do initiatories and then pick up some things for our lesson. Once I started driving I returned my Mom's call from earlier that day. In the course of our conversation she asked if I had seen the changes to the temple. I had not and didn't know what they were. She urged me to go and although I told her I didn't bring my temple bag, she repeated a few more times that I should still just do a session, I told her that I planned on going weekly and I would do a session on Tuesday. Once in, I realized that differently from the Oklahoma temple, you have to bring your own clothes, even for iniatories. I went to rent, still sort of tossing around the idea of doing a session, and the matron told me that it would be double the cost for session clothes and that the session was about to start. I paid for just my dress and shoes and went to change. While dressing, my mind could not feel at ease. I was going back and forth about what I should do. As I left the locker room I was thinking about how it wouldn't work because I really needed to use the bathroom and I had just locked my purse up and wouldn't have time to go back and pay for the additional necessary items. All at once I knew I needed to do a session. I quickly made my way back to the rental matron, explained what I was feeling, and asked her if I could pay her after the session for the items I needed. She agreed and I quickly made my way to the name booth. I asked the matron working there if I would make the session she looked at her watch and said, "The Spanish session, right"? I told her that, no, I did not want to go to the Spanish session. She said that they would give me a headset and it would be fine, and sort of ushered me along in the process, even though it was clear that I wasn't interested in doing that. I was doing the session to be able to take in the new changes and I wanted it to be a cool experience, unhindered by the fact that headsets are annoying. When I reached the chapel I was in line and the temple worker turned away people behind me because the session was full. I told him that maybe I would just wait the half hour for the next session, thinking that I could catch up on my scripture reading. He said the next session didn't start for an hour. I resigned myself to the experience of the headset and took a seat. Throughout the session I tried to concentrate on the words in my headset and not be distracted by the Spanish recording playing louder then my headset could. I noticed several changes and loved them, immediately feeling the need to come back soon so I could take them all in. As I sat in this large session and waited for my turn to approach the veil, I had quite a while to think. Being surrounded by Spanish and sitting with a room full of Latina women, combined with the fact that I had just had a conversation with Jess about Irma, got me thinking about her. I sat trying to remember if I had done her endowment. I did her iniatory work the first year we were married and it was a beautiful experience. I felt strongly that she finally had the blessings to her body that she needed in this life but didn't have. This combination of being in the temple, in a Spanish session, and having recently talked about her, created the perfect situation for me to spend a few minutes contemplating her work. I began to feel the tingly feeling I get when I know that the Spirit is directing me to do something. I got excited as I began to know that I should do her temple work. Anabelle came to this earth with genealogy in her heart and we haven't been able to encourage her very much because it seems that both of our sides have experts who have taken our lines farther than we know what to do with. I gained a knowledge that I should pursue her line and try to focus my temple work towards her family. As I neared the veil I began rehearsing in my mind the things I would be required to say, as it has been a while since I've done a session. There was a long row of veil workers, most of them young white returned missionaries I presume. I was directed to the end where I couldn't see the matron who was waiting for me. Once there I briefly took in that she was an older Spanish woman. We immediately began our work there and I was focused on saying my parts. Once I had finished and was being ushered through, I looked over at her, for the first time really, and all I saw was Irma. I looked into her eyes, for the briefest of moments, and I instantly errupted into tears. It hit me so instantly. The only word in my brain was 'Irma', and I was completely overcome. I was so unprepared for that experience. I was directed to the celestial room but I didn't want to go just yet. I wanted to look at her face. I wanted to take her in. I wanted to hug her and tell her that she looks so much like my dear friend, Irma. And then I wondered if she really actually looked like Irma or if the Spirit had helped me to see that image. I sat in the celestial room, catching up on scripture reading, and hoping the matron who helped me would come in. I waited until it seemed that all of the matrons had come through and no one else was entering the room. All the while I had a prayer in my heart that I would see her. I wanted to tell her what she meant to me and thank her for being there. I was very aware that I needed to see her in order to fully receive the message I was being sent. I finally decided to go change as the room emptied out. Back in my clothes and leaving the locker room, in walked my matron. I chased her down and called out to her. When she turned around I suddenly decided I shouldn't tell her the whole story as I had planned to. I simply choked out, "Thank you for being here today. I think you needed to be here just for me". Tears sprang to her eyes as well and she said that she could tell I was a very spiritual person and could feel of my spirit as I stood next to her. I walked out of the temple so grateful. I could see how all those details came together to allow me to gain the direction that I needed to work on Irma's family. My Mom urging me to go repeatedly, the Spanish session being the only one available, even the session being as full as it was and where I was sitting in it. The temple is a place of revelation and a place of peace. And above all, a place of love. 

When the most wonderful boy turns FOUR

Last night as we were driving home from our St. George trip, I told Emmett that tomorrow is his birthday and asked him what he wanted to do. After thinking about it for a minute, he grinned and shouted, "Put more ornaments on the Christmas tree!". I informed him that I actually planned on taking down the Christmas tree. He asked so sweetly, "Please Mama, Can we leave it up for one more day?".

When asked what he wanted to eat he said Mac n cheese. When asked where he wanted to go he said, "I don't care. You can decide whatever we do". When asked what kind of cake he wanted he said, "Strawberry. Actually Mama, I don't care. Whatever kind of cake is fine with me".

He came down the stairs this morning to find some green ribbon that I had curled and taped to the ceiling, and his birthday banner hung. He ran to me and squeezed me tight, thanking me and declaring me to be THE BEST.

He is so grateful and low maintenance that it tempts me to spoil him. 

When we went around at dinner and had everyone say what they love about the birthday boy:

elise: he is funny

anabelle: he is sweet

lila: 

Maisey: he is brave, for example jumped off the high point at the ball pit.

Dad: so tender hearted

Mom: is such a happy helper with a great attitude and is happy with whatever he gets.

Songs: thunder, eye died the tiger, havana oohh na na

Braden and I took the three youngest to a Lego store (after checking his best friend Elise out of school), where we built legos cars and then raced them down a track.Then we took them to Krispy Kreme to pick out a donut. When the kids got home we took them to Provo Beach and played a wicked game of tag in the tunnels and playland. He had Mac for dinner, along with his favorite beverage-muscle juice. 

I never felt a void in my life when I just had the four girls. I never spent one moment wishing for a son. But Emmett has brought me so much joy in the last four years. I just absolutely adore this sweet sweet boy and his tender loving heart. May it always be so.