California: where the fast lane means something.

Braden may have titled this post something different. Something like, "California: where there are 37 million too many people". Or "California: a place that deserves to disappear from existence". Nevertheless, we took a vacation there last month. Because he loves me. And frankly I think he was starting to get a little scared of me, with my building hatred and rage for winter. We broke the trip down into several little phases, staying our first night with Steve & Paula. Then we went on to St George for a day, then on to San Diego. It really was a fabulous time. One of my main motivators for family trips is that I like to eliminate neighborhood kids from our lives. I love to see our kids spend every minute together because they usually do it well and I can tell that their little relationships with each other really benefit from these times. I also wanted to do something with our little family as it is now, before this baby comes and I am split even more between them. And I needed to thaw out and hear the ocean.

The downside is that Braden had to do homework in every possible minute. The good side is that I didn't! Because school's for fools! Just kidding, points to Braden for working on his Master's degree instead of sitting in the jacuzzi with us.

Highlights of the trip:

- I had all three girls with me in a public restroom. Anabelle was going pee and Maisey was watching her. Maisey said, "Anabelle, your bum is getting to be big like Mommy's". Anabelle and I looked at each other, our jaws dropped in offense, and she said, "Maisey! That is actually pretty rude!".

- When we happened upon an excited male rhinoceros and Lila asked, "Why is her vagina so long?"

- After spending a day at Sea World and also a day helping Grandmother around the motel, Anabelle was racked with indecision. She asked us, with all the sincerity in the world, "I just don't know what to do. Should I become an acrobat at Sea World, or work at the motel?"

- Feeding and petting dolphins, sea lions, bat rays and starfish. It was such a fantastic day at Sea World. As we were leaving the park I was holding Maisey's hand and she slowed down and asked where we were going. I told her that we had to leave because they were closing and she broke down in tears.

-Braden assured us that we were safe from getting soaked during a dolphin show. And we would have been. If they didn't bring out the Pilot whales for the sole purpose of soaking all the idiots in the soak zone. He was not popular in our family of dripping, soaking girls, me included. He said it is something everyone should do once. I strongly disagree. It's a dumb thing that should never happen.

- Watching Anabelle & Maisey play on the beach I grew up playing on. It made my soul happy to see them running freely on the beach and exploring the ocean. Lila didn't really get the chance because she had explosive diarrhea all over the bathrooms and sidewalks at the Balboa Pier. Everywhere. No baby wipes. Cheapest thinnest toilet paper you can imagine. No soap. We lost a cute pair of leggings and panties to that hour long episode.

-Maisey puking in her seat and crib a few times. Because our children are still nauseated and sickened in the moment they hear us packing for a trip. At least we're consistent.

-Eating Miguel's and bringing back 15 hot sauce containers. And eating a pizza from BJ's and sharing a pizookie as a family of seemingly ravenous starved orphans.

-Having dinner with Lori and Steve's families and watching the cousin magic happen.

-Hanging with the St George crowd and hiking with Corey's family.

-We went to watch Katasha dance and the girls loved it. Maisey was mesmerized, "Their dresses are beautiful, just beautiful."

-Watching your kids watch nature. It was fun to have them at the SD Zoo where there are so many different and crazy animals.

-We loved staying at Miss Karen's house. The girls think she is another cool Aunt and are now happy to have her in the family.

-Listening to the girls talk and sing allllllll those hours in the car. They did awesome and only watched one movie in a whole week's worth of driving. Hearing those conversations is one of my favorite parts of trips. On the way home, when they were beyond exhausted and in serious need of sleep, everyone got delirious. Braden and I were cracking up from the front at all the random things being shouted one after the other, all so sincere:

-There are bugs in my eyes!
-There are batteries in my legs!

- Can I have a sandwich?
-How many hours until we get there?
-How many snows are there?
- Aunt Paula can dance. She knows how to dance, dance, dance.
- Look! There are carrots in between all my toes!
- I want some peanut butter.
- I need to throw up.
-I want Katasha to dance again. Can she dance again?

I look forward to our next Sea World trip, with another girl who will undoubtedly throw up somewhere. May her father be near when she does that.

She just couldn't get over his bum

Anabelle got to feed the dolpin, make her talk, and pet her.  I pet her several times and I have to say it was a pretty emotional moment for me. Braden said in the 10 years he's known me he has never seen me like that. I was too excited to even take any decent pictures.

Lila did sooooooo well on our trip. We attribute it to the herbs given her by the witch doctor. She was such a hoot.

I was soooooo uncomfortable. But really, how often does this happen?

I was just about to take a beautiful photo of Braden and his girls. Until Lila kicked Maisey in the face. Don't worry, she  was very remorseful as you can see.

We took them to see the San Diego temple. And they started running around like we were still at the zoo. I told them it was a place to be reverent. And  immediately upon hearing the word 'reverent', Lila assumes the position.  

Maisey loved the flowers there. This one in particular. I noticed her eyeballing it longingly and I just knew she wanted it. I told her not to pick it. She wouldn't leave the flower. I waited for her to move. She waited for me to move. Finally, using an excited sudden sort of voice she said," Where are the girls?! And Dad?! Why don't you go find them?!" Very tricky, Maise.

Ode to sunshine

We had our first snow here in October. Now it's February. It has snowed a lot this year. Anabelle loves it. Lila doesn't like to be cold. Maisey likes to eat it. I'd like to see it on a weather forecast for somewhere far far away. And of course, Braden thinks it's great. He goes snowboarding. I pick up toys for 14 hours. I mean really. I can appreciate a good snowfall and all the wintery wonderings it can bring. I like a cup of cocoa and a pot of soup just as much as the next guy. For a few weeks. But it's been months. And the girls are under my feet all day long. And we have been sick forever. And the house must be constantly cleaned because we don't leave it. Which was all well and fine until a few weeks ago when bending over to pick up a toy became arduous and painful. Now it may sound like I'm complaining here, and I want to be clear about what it is that's really happening: Yeah, I'm complaining. Because snow has lost its charm and now it's just irritating. I really want to be tough about it. I really did try. But apparently being cold and inflated with an additional person is my breaking point.

If we ever get orders to Alaska I swear I will order a tanning bed the same day. Just for the Vitamin D though, not to look amazing or anything.

Reason # 17 why it's good that we're not Chinese

I am approaching my 35th week of pregnancy. My midwife thinks I am in my 35th week already. But I know better. For 35 weeks ago Braden was somewhere en route from the Middle East. But let me get back to things that aren't inappropriate to share in a public(ish) forum. I am quite large. 4 people asked me on Sunday if I was due "any day now". Ha. So very funny. And I daily get comments from people in front of my girls saying they hope for our sakes that I am having a boy. What is this, China?! I used to handle it tactfully, knowing that people are well meaning and trying to be friendly. But the puffier I get and depending on if it's snowing outside (because, yes, my ability to be mature hinges on the amount of sunshine I have taken in), my reactions have become a bit more abrasive and nothing short of defensive. As I was taking Lila to school this morning another Dad asked if we are sad. I said, "How could anybody in the world be sad that they are going to get a healthy baby"? And maybe I said it with a hint of sass. Or annoyance. Or disgust. His eyes got huge and he put up his hands as if to surrender to the attack he was under. All Anabelle ever said she wanted was sisters until she heard enough obnoxious people suggest to her otherwise. And then suggest how terrible it will be when they are teenagers. May I just take a moment and say, for history's sake, that I love being the mother of these little girls. I love that they notice when I change my eye shadow color. I love that they compliment my earrings and my shoes. I love that they play with my hair and kiss and hug and nurture and sing in tiny falsetto voices. I love that they don't brake my stuff. I love that they understand the concept of home decor and respect it (mostly). They dance with it, and they use it to tuck in animals and babies, but they're not out for destruction. I love that if any type of music is heard Maisey will immediately say, "Oh! I should get a ballerina!" and run to her room for a dress to put on so she can bust a move, and then all of a sudden our living room turns into a dance party of tacky costumes and accessories, when Braden was trying trying to practice a hymn on the piano. I love the way their lives exist in an ongoing game of "family" (such a stretch from reality) and they walk around the house taking care of each other-to the point that I am being desensitized from the word "Mommy" because it is rarely actually meant for me. Now they yell "real Mom!" if it's me they want. I love to see them wrestle each other and do what they have come to call the "huggie roll" and then say "Goodnight shweetie" before bed. I love their sensitive natures and spiritual inclinations. And furthermore, if I was the mother of all boys, I feel certain that I would love being the mother of all boys (although my home might look different from the waist down). Maybe it was our initial scare with Lila, but I feel like if you are blessed to be able to become pregnant, and then you are blessed to find out that your child appears to be healthy, crying over the gender of that child seems wrong in every possible way. I get that people have certain reasons for wishing to get one or the other. But feeling sad over being able to parent a child because it wasn't the gender you were hoping for is a bit beyond my ability to comprehend. We were in Ikea the other day and upon looking at our family, a man asked Braden if we knew what we were having. Braden told him, and he said, "Ah, no luck huh?" And Braden said, "No. We have all the luck". The man was taken back- he clearly wasn't expecting that answer. And then I administered a swift jab to the gut. Or I didn't. But really dude, how do you think that makes our girls feel?

When the ultrasonographer told us this baby is a girl we both laughed out loud. And then Braden said that he needed a burger. When I asked him why, wondering if it was to console himself, he said, "No. To celebrate my daughter". And he chose to go to Five Guys. And I said, "You want to go to Five Guys to celebrate your four girls"? and he said, "Yeah. They're the only guys I got in my life". And we sat and talked about raising girls. And then we realized that these girls are going to marry guys. And we became scared at the prospect of them marrying a dirtbag. And we discussed the limits of what Braden was allowed to do to anyone who hurt one of our daughters.

I have never had a moment of disappointment over the fact that we have a house full of girls. I feel enormously blessed in every way. Sometimes all the crying and emotion can be a bit much- but it is at these times that I use my intact fancy decorative pillows to console myself. Or I turn up music REALLY loud. Or I mow the lawn. True story. Our lawn looked really good when Braden was gone. Heaven help the people who say to me, while in the company of my children, something negative about girls.

Waking up to inspiration

I was awoken in the night with thoughts of the Savior's ministry, particularly as it relates to the woman taken in adultery, and felt that I should record my impressions. The peers of this woman wanted to stone her to death, something that after seeing it on a movie, has become absolutely horrific and appalling to me. They present her to the Savior, knowing where he stands on the subject of adultery, I would assume expecting him to validate them in their accusations and punishment. Rather than condemn her to death for her mistake, He gets down on the ground with her. On her level. He does not treat her with disgust. He is clear and firm and does not make an allowance for the sin. Rather, He invites her to change. He is able to recognize a mistake made by a sinner, as opposed to an evil person without any hope and undeserving of a second chance. It is interesting to me that it is this sin that she is caught in- a serious sin and something regarded as the most sacred by our Heavenly Father. And yet, it is never too late. The Savior, without hesitation, forgives her, thus sending her on a path of repentance and change and hope.

Knowing in that moment something that no one else realized, that He would be the one to feel the true weight of her sin, was without anger, and withheld no love. Instead He was filled with mercy and compassion and love. He freely gave her a chance to change and showed confidence in her ability to do so.

I hope that I can look more frequently to His example in my parenting. When the Pharisees had delivered her up to Him, and were waiting for him to condemn her, He stooped down and wrote on the ground, as if they were not speaking. The footnote about that directs you to the TG for the teaching mode of Jesus Christ. I want for his teaching mode to come through in my teaching and dealings with my children. He doesn't harp on her, He doesn't immediately do anything for that matter. In fact, he kneels down and writes again in the sand. Nothing in his reaction is hasty, thoughtless, or reactive. He is patient. He is calm. I think I must have been awoken to this particular story for my benefit, as an answer to a nightly prayer to know how to help Lila. Yesterday I was so thoroughly frustrated with her. I don't know if I ever really yelled at her before but knowing that she was repeatedly being defiant, left me feeling justified in treating her roughly. This morning, after I was awoken with these thoughts, I feel differently. I feel like she needs to be held accountable for the things that she does- that particular phrase keeps coming to my mind, but the manner in which I do that needs to change. Interesting that an answer to my prayers to help her were about how I can change, not about her.

Today I am praying for patience and an increase of love for her, so that she feels capable of changing instead of condemned for her behavior.