They are just tiny moments. Live in them.

My day ended as it began- rocking Elise in her room. In both moments I sat there overcome with motherhood. Elise holding onto my fingers and playing with my ring as I stroke her face and hair and kiss her a hundred times, while simultaneously feeling another baby inside me rolling and pushing underneath her. I loved sitting in that chair, taking in (ever so uncomfortably), the layers of life my body has created.

I guess that's not technically where my day began. I laid awake since the wee hours of the morning with aching legs. Hours after I had been awake, Maisey was the first to emerge. I asked her if she wanted to snuggle me, something she does every morning lately, and she declined. She asked me to get her breakfast instead.

We did breakfast and dishes and chasing and coloring and Mormon messages. It felt like we'd been up and doing things for hours and it when I looked at the clock it was barely nine am.

While Elise was occupied with something I snuck into my room and closed to door to read the new conference Ensign in peace. It worked. For about ten minutes. Then Anabelle came in to show me something she had made. And my cover was blown. They all discovered me and then all suddenly needed me for various things. I asked Anabelle to take Elise out and she coaxed her, one step at a time, with the promise of stickers. It was successful. I was able to finish reading President Uchdorft's talk that I knew Braden was speaking on at church. A little silly maybe, but my intent was to make an effort to have a spiritual connection or discussion or at least have some insight into what he's thinking about today. Because in this business I think every little connection you can make matters.

All the girls came in presenting me with gifts they had colored for me with love notes written on the back.

I get a hold of Braden after not having the chance to have really talked with him for a few days. I knew I was running into my church prep time but I just felt like talking to him. We were a bit rushed to get to church. Elise never did nap- making sacrament meeting a remarkable struggle. She climbed all over my already painful stomach, pouting, crying, mostly just doing circles climbing on me. Becky Littlefield tried to take her but she wouldn't have it. The other girls were mostly goodish. I had been asked to help In Lila's class today. I was struck by her rocking and complete inability to sit still. She was listening and participating- she just couldn't sit completely still. In her class, they have a system where one child spends the whole time passing out little fuzzy balls to the kids who are being reverent. The little girl literally gave one over and over to every other kid besides Lila. She kept walking by her, looking at her, and then handing it to the kid on either side of her, even when Lila was sitting completely still. Lila on a few occasions thought she was getting one and smiled and put her hand out, only to have this little girl hand it over her to the next child. The mama bear rage inside me was growing. It didn't help that my skirt was hurting me, my surgery scar was causing a debilitating amount of pain, and I was hungry. All of a sudden, in the middle of the lesson, I snapped. I had the teacher staring at me with wide eyes, and eleven six year olds totally silent. I said that maybe I needed to take over the fuzz ball system because it was a bit distracting. And it was distracting and ridiculous. But mostly, it was me feeling heartbroken for my little Lila who was doing her very best and kept being passed over. It was me being sensitive over her struggles. I mean really, who snaps at a room full of six years and a diligent teacher doing her best?

The rest of the day was like any other day- the emotion swings back and forth from minute to minute. We're all sitting around laughing at Elise say  'gobble gobble' and the next minute the kids are in trouble for going out front to play with friends. Lila and I are reading books and sight words and playing with flash cards one minute, then the next I am soaping her mouth for screaming and tantruming all through prayers.

I am astounded at all the love and smiles in the same day that we had lots of correction and discipline. Mothering I've decided, is a lot of everything. It is so intensely everything. The range of emotions I feel on any given day where I have been at home mothering all my kids all day is mind blowing.

You really have to appreciate and live in those precious mothering moments, because they are fleeting. And very soon there will be arguing or incessant crying or disobedience. Maybe this is not general information. Maybe this is just my house and other peoples ratios are better than mine. Maybe it's a result of a single Mom or a house full of estrogen. I still don't think it's bad. I just think it's real family life. It's a bunch of little people (and big people for that matter) trying to figure out how to be kind. How to share. How to be considerate. How to be clean. How to be respectful. And it's a learning process. And the more little people you throw into the mix, the more exciting it is. It's absolutely exhausting. And exhilarating. And I'm so grateful for it. There is nothing else I'd rather be doing with my time or my life or my days. In church today a sister was speaking about the Proclamation and she made the simple comment that Satan does a lot of things to make us forget how important family is, while at the same time feeding us the lie that all these other little things in our lives are important. It's not new or profound. But for some reason that struck a cord with me today. My family is of prime importance. Every other endeavor, and the motives that drive them pale in comparison.

As I sat with Elise rocking her, I had the feeling and the thought that if I never do anything else in my life except mother these children I will be happy with that. I sat as she fell asleep in my arms, something that never ever happens. I was loving just sitting listening to her baby snores, when Anabelle came yelling for me twice that it was en emergency. I gently put Elise down and came out to find the emergency of me having forgot to pour some milk in her oatmeal.

Little tiny moments, Julie. Soak them up.

Breakfast chats with the babe

Hey Elise, do you want some oatmeal?

 Well, sorry, we ran out. How about some cereal?

 You're right, I was kidding. I would never ever do that to you (me). But hey, on another note, I think Dad is coming home soon.

 And I heard he's bringing you some cars because he heard it's your favorite toy this week. 

 No, I am not kidding. I wouldn't joke with you about oatmeal and cars all at once. 

 Dad's pretty excited to see you. When he left you were a nursing baby who couldn't walk or talk. And now look at you! You turned into an actual communicating human with full on pigtails and a mouth full of chompers. He's really hoping that you understand that he is real and not an electronic device. Do your best impersonation of his eyes to show him that you understand.

 What? You want him to potty train you while he's on his R&R to help you guys catch up on lost time? I know, right?! What a great idea! Don't worry, I'll talk to him about it. I know your whole world falls apart if your diaper becomes the least bit soiled. I'm sure he'll be on board.

 Sure, if you're old enough to have this advanced and articulate conversation you are absolutely old enough to feed yourself. I apologize for taking this long to give you the spoon.

 You seem to really be at peace considering all the major life changes that are coming your way all at once- what with the reintegration and the the new baby and the PCS...tell me how you manage to keep it together?

 Laughing and eating oatmeal?! Genius! You're right, it really is the simple things that keep us grounded.

 I'm excited to see him too, Elise. Let's cross our fingers that he really does show up this time so we can get this party started. 

This is the good stuff

About an hour ago I found myself on the couch, looking at the scene around me, feeling extraordinarily grateful for what my surroundings. Lila was snuggled in to me, reading her homework. We were on our second of five rounds of assigned reading, and had already been at it for an hour. There is no way we were actually going to finish. I was grateful for her progress and the thought of the back to school blessing she received promising growth and progress. Anabelle and Elise were immersed in a hilarious game where Anabelle throws a glob of slime and Elise goes and retrieves it for her. Elise kept doing funny things and they were both cracking up, so loudly that I could barely hear the little Lila to my side. Maisey sat at the bar crying, where she had been for the previous hour. Because we had soup for dinner. And she despises soup. Not any particular soup- it's a non-sensical thing. I think maybe she hates the word. I told her that she had to at least try it before she could have anything else. Four little bites and she could have eaten yogurt and been playing with the girls. Instead she sat crying and watching and repeating her dislike of soup. For an hour. She asked me twice if I could please just make her some brussel sprouts. What? When all of a sudden she said, "Mom! I took a bite!" and I said "Nice! And wasn't it good?" and she said "Yes! It's like chocolate ice cream!" Which wasn't true at all. Anything she deems fit to eat these days she compares it to some lavish desert which it has no business being compared to. It's a thing she does. It entertains me. And just like that, the battle was over and she was happy.

I told them they could keep 15 pieces of their Halloween candy each and that we would donate the rest to deployed troops. They were sorting and trading at the table. Unbeknownst to them little Elise was on the tippiest of toes, little tiny calves flexed as I've never before seen them, reaching as far as she could, until finally she got hold of a Reese's and took off running down the hall with hilarious speed. She kept at this until she had all the girls chasing her to get their candy back. I was pleased to see the way they all shared easily with each other.

I think my belly had no less than 25 kisses and hugs today.

I tucked Elise in and she and I did our thing. I always have a tuck in thing with each of my babies starting at about this age. It's different every time but every bit as precious with each one of them. Lots of giggles and slobbery kisses and hugs with little fingers patting your back.

Lila hugged me and kissed me and said she would protect me against an attacking Anabelle. In the last week she has hugged me with feeling and intentionally given real kisses, and she has cared whether I hug and kiss her or not. This is ground breaking for her. She has seemed uncomfortable and squirmy with my affection for years. I can't express how I felt to really be hugged by her tonight.

I love family life. I adore these little people who fill my life with laughter and wonder and messes and laundry and tantrums. I'm also exhausted by it and so ready to have Braden back, not only to share the work load and responsibility, but all the love and happiness that comes with it.

And here are a series of pictures that depict Elise saying "Pleeeeeaaaase?"

she ended up eating most of everyone's quesadillas because she kept saying please to everyone and we all just kept feeding the bear.

Classic Elise face

Baby swiper doing what she does

Single Moms from Colton

{Except we actually do have husbands. Who have jobs. Legal jobs connected to actual social security numbers. And we had those husbands before we had the schlew of kids. So there are some noteworthy differences between Cathy and I, and most of the single moms from Colton. BUT, since we find ourselves in this situation, it seemed like a good idea to hang out}.

Cathy and the boys spent a few days with us last week for Halloween. We took the kids to the pumpkin patch one morning. We were hoping to pick apples in the orchard, but were sort of annoyed to learn that they closed the day before, without saying so on their website. But the kids didn't know that and they didn't care. They had a marvelous time pushing each other on the wagon, throwing straw, and playing in pumpkins. It's one of those things we should learn from kids. They are so quick to give up ideas of expectations, and just love the moment.  

Muahahahahahahah 2014

Showing off her tail

A pirate and her parrot

school costume parade

queen of the ocean

Our fourth chicken ( and her goose egg)

The beaked members of our squad. 

Anabelle and Blade Ranger

She was thrilled that somebody had just given her Play-doh

This is Lila's scary face. She was completely unaffected by all the gore and truly terrifying looking costumes trying to get her. She seemed intrigued and mildly entertained by them. But the sound of thunder reduces her to tears.

This is how she spent her night. She was (mostly) cool with it.

Somebody jumped out and grabbed an already scared Maisey at a haunted house. Anabelle was furious they would do that to a small, clearly frightened child. She went in to comfort her, even though she had already chosen not to go in because she herself was scared. I stayed out in hopes of getting a good picture of her face. I thought in the long run my approach would yield greater rewards. And I didn't even get a good picture. So now I'm just a jerky Mom.

The Calls gave out full size candy bars. These little girls love Ryan.

Cathy whipped up this AWACS jack o lantern in Braden's honor.