As previously mentioned, Lila has had a rough few weeks.
Today I got an email from her teacher saying that she has also noticed a marked difference. She said Lila has been sad and stubborn and not wanting to do things.
Tonight she made Elise fall and come very close to smashing her head on the concrete. I am having really frustrating days with her, not just because of her oppositional attitude, but because she constantly harasses Elise. She literally follows her around and pulls on her and tries to pick her up. I ask her all day to stop. I discipline her. I have elaborate talks with her. I suggest new ways to touch her, I explain how it makes Elise feel. She always says she's going to stop. And then she turns right around, in a matter of seconds, and does it again. Elise cries when she sees Lila. It's really sad. And stressful. And frustrating. I am out of ideas.
So after addressing this issue for the tenth time today, I sent Lila to her room. She shut the door and screamed for a while. I went in later to chat with her. We sat and had a nice clear conversation about how to touch Elise, how Elise wants to walk herself and doesn't want to be pulled or picked up. I made her laugh a few times and then all of a sudden her countenance changed. Her voice became heavy and full of emotion. She looked at me and said, "Your husband is gone. And he's never coming back". And then she broke down. She hugged me and started crying and said, "I miss Dad".
It was one of the saddest moments of parenting for me. The look on her face and the sound of her voice pretty much broke my heart wide open. We talked about it for a few minutes and I told her that if she was ever feeling sad, or confused or upset or that she was missing her Dad she could talk to me about it. She stopped me and said, "I AM missing my Dad".
I cried for the first time since we dropped him off.
The 90 year old lady at the retreat said it best: "Deployment sucks". It is not the worst thing to pass through, by any means. But yes, it sucks.
Sweet Lila. I just want her to feel peace.
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