Also known as the 4th of July. I don't do that every 4th, it's just how I chose to celebrate America this year.
We decided to go to the city of Norman's festivities. As I recall it was a typical warm Oklahoma day- no less that a thousand degrees, with 450% humidity and exactly zero percent enjoyability by reasonable human beings. Norman is supposed to be a nice city so we thought it might draw a classier crowd. No.
BUT, we had our fun. Bounce houses, nickel hunt, slushies, and a hot dog eating contest, WHICH I WON. Now to be fair, there was no one competing against me. No other human female contestant that is. As the only contestant, I had only to finish as my feat. Five hot dogs and five buns. You know when you see a package of hot dogs in the store that are 59 cents and they are pastel pink and you wonder to yourself what could they possibly be made of and who in the world would ingest them? Well I can answer only one of those questions. The other could be laid to rest with a quick google search but I cannot allow myself to do that.Half way through the first one I was already heaving, literally. They were the cheapest, boiled, flimsy, rubbery, tubes of chemicals you could imagine. Wrapped in a cheap white crusty bun. I asked Braden to take the kids and walk away. It was the mental fight of a lifetime. And I used it on eating hot dogs. I had to summon all my mental capacity and then get my physical reflexes to agree. Looking back, I'm not sure why I did this. Was it because I paid five dollars to enter? Was it because I don't like to quit? Whatever my motivation to endure, it was the wrong choice. Some times quitting is admirable. Sometimes losing five dollars is an investment in your dignity. Poor Elise, fierce lover of hot dogs, sat by me begging me to share. I kept telling her I couldn't share and she just couldn't understand why. Because I want to keep the gurgling, bloated, indigestion all to myself, that's why. After 25 minutes of horrific gagging, I finished. They handed me fifty bucks, and I handed over my self respect, and we parted ways, both poorer for the experience. I walked immediately to a bush where I ducked down trying to gag myself unsuccessfully.
But I felt worse for Braden. He entered, choked down the dogs, and lost. Shudder. Happy Birthday America! Next year we'll stick with sparklers for our thrills.
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| The kids got to dig for money, or "shineys" as Elise called them. Maisey was being really sweet. and making sure all the kids around her got enough before she would put any in her bucket. |
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| Anabelle got to do it one handed compliments of her freshly broken humorous. |
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| Braden's face upon realizing how truly grotesque those hot dogs were. |
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| Lila waited in a long line to do this cliff jump. When it was her turn she got scared and backed down. They let her try again and when she got to the edge of the cliff, she instinctively plugged her nose. I laughed heartily. And it caused a hot dog shift in my gut. |
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| Oh HI there cute men of my heart. |
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| Dancing with Elise |
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| Tired sweet baby |
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| The humidity does lend itself well to ringlets |
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| Maisey wasn't tall enough to go on the giant cliff jump. Which broke her heart. The workers took pity on her at the end and let her do it right before we left. She was brave and jumped right off. |
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