On this day last year I had just found out that my tubes were completely blocked. I felt sad. Deeply sad. I knew it didn't mean that we weren't going to raise another baby, because I felt strongly that we were. But it forced me to wonder if I would ever get to bear another child. I mourned the chance to feel a baby inside me, to have that powerful birthing experience, to enjoy that beautiful bond that only nursing can bring. I won't say I felt hopeless- in fact I recall clinging to hope. But I sat with all those feelings for several weeks and recognized the honor it is to bear children. To love someone so completely, so deeply, so fiercely, so profoundly, and so instantly.
Today I sat staring at Levi and thinking over what the last year has brought. I spent the entire year in some state of sickness/discomfort/pain/inconvenience in relation to the making of him. I would do it all again in a heartbeat (but please- nobody make me).
I look at him and I see a miracle. I feel blessed. I feel grateful beyond words. I feel happy and elated and I don't want to miss a moment of it.
I can't believe three months have gone by. He laughed for the first time two weeks ago. He beams when you make eye contact with him- the kind of smile that involves his whole body. From his content and cheerful disposition to his good sleeping habits and his slightly altered ear, he has my heart.
I would sleep in fragmented blocks of time and smell like spit up forever if he could just stay my tiny baby. I swear it's true.
Just about every day I thank him for coming to our family. I don't know if he had a say in that or not. But I want him to know how grateful I am that he's here and that he's mine. He slid right into our hearts and brings us all a daily chunk of pure joy.
No comments:
Post a Comment