Braden took the girls to Reese's for the twins baptism. I am home with the boys. Levi is sick and is not sleeping well, but nursing frequently. I have to start school again on Tuesday and I don't feel like I've had Christmas break yet. In fact, I don't feel like I had a maternity leave or second to catch my breath. There was so much I planned to accomplish during our two weeks off from school, and so far none of it has happened. I stayed because I think Levi will recover more quickly at home, and I also had great hopes of productivity that's not possible with a full house of kids.
I awoke this morning (after nursing every 2-3 hours in the night), with the plan to get Christmas all put away and the house redecorated and cleaned. Having that done would then allow me the mental clarity to start chalking things off my long list. But the thought made me sad. I realized I'm not done with Christmas. So I asked Emmett to take all the ornaments off the tree because it would be less painful if I didn't actually start myself. The look on his face when I gave him the green light on the very activity I've been busting him all month for-fantastic. I sat and nursed while I watched him do this and it just didn't feel right. I decided we weren't going to take down Christmas. In fact, we were going to stretch it out as long as possible. I put on my favorite Christmas songs and told Emmett to put the ornaments back while I made salt dough for some home made ornaments. I got some Christmas potpourri simmering on the stove and I felt so much better.
The day is almost over now. I didn't take or make any calls or texts. I didn't check emails or Facebook or deal websites. Emmett didn't watch movies or play with toys. We were just together. We read, we did puzzles, we cleaned and cooked. We smiled at Levi and made him laugh and Emmett asked to hold him about 30 times- for three seconds each. He does what he calls "cheeking Levi" which involves Emmett poking Levi's cheeks and Levi smiling every time. I simply loved my boys. I basked in every minute of our togetherness. Levi looked into my eyes and burst into a smile- the kind that starts with his forehead getting big and then it turns into a full body wiggle. I broke into tears out of pure love and the deepest joy and gratitude. My heart feels like its spreading into other parts of my body because it just can't hold all that love in my chest. Having Emmett by my side all day, chatting, laughing, singing, and playing is medicinal. I wish somehow motherhood could always feel like this.
I also have time weird tingling almost nervous sensation in the pit of my stomach. I think it's because I recognize the gift that today is. I know I won't always have soft squishy baby cheeks to nuzzle and naked tummies to kiss. I won't always have toddlers singing "Glooooooria.....inexcelsisdeeeeeeeeooooo" while they quietly play or use the bathroom. In the recesses of my heart I can't see being happy without these things. Now that I know the profound love of children I can't imagine life without every one of them. And it's going by so fast.
Today was absolutely amazing, and I never got out of my jammies or left the house.The thought came to me from the topical guide on temples, stating that only the home can compare to temples in sacredness. That is exactly how today felt- sacred. My home was filled with a love so pure and joyful I was on the brink of tears all day.
My thought as I approach this new year is that I want to be fully present in all I do- particularly as a wife and mother. I want to give my family my best self. I want to build castles and confidence, share play-doh and simple testimonies. I intend to be conscientious about things that distract me and habits that don't serve me well.
My life is so busy. The pressures on my shoulders are heavy. My responsibilities and demands on my time are consuming. I know that it's not possible for me to accomplish well all that I would like to. The only way I know to handle this is to start each day with a prayer and ask Heavenly Father to show me what is needful- just for today. Because while I'd like to spend all my days like today- absorbing each child and doing nothing but loving them- dishes and dinner and laundry are real. So are callings and yard work and grocery shopping and visiting teaching and scripture study and working out and journaling, and a hundred other worthy endeavors. I have a constant stress-like a cloud hanging over me, that I'm always neglecting at least a handful of very important things. I trust that if I ask Him what He wants me to do with my day, and then listen for that direction, that cloud will disperse. I'm committing to be better at this.
I hope with all my heart I have an untold amount of days like today in my future. I hope I recognize them and take them. I'm sure people all over the world saw amazing things today and had exciting adventures. I wouldn't trade any one of them for the pure and beautiful love I experienced in my home today.
I awoke this morning (after nursing every 2-3 hours in the night), with the plan to get Christmas all put away and the house redecorated and cleaned. Having that done would then allow me the mental clarity to start chalking things off my long list. But the thought made me sad. I realized I'm not done with Christmas. So I asked Emmett to take all the ornaments off the tree because it would be less painful if I didn't actually start myself. The look on his face when I gave him the green light on the very activity I've been busting him all month for-fantastic. I sat and nursed while I watched him do this and it just didn't feel right. I decided we weren't going to take down Christmas. In fact, we were going to stretch it out as long as possible. I put on my favorite Christmas songs and told Emmett to put the ornaments back while I made salt dough for some home made ornaments. I got some Christmas potpourri simmering on the stove and I felt so much better.
The day is almost over now. I didn't take or make any calls or texts. I didn't check emails or Facebook or deal websites. Emmett didn't watch movies or play with toys. We were just together. We read, we did puzzles, we cleaned and cooked. We smiled at Levi and made him laugh and Emmett asked to hold him about 30 times- for three seconds each. He does what he calls "cheeking Levi" which involves Emmett poking Levi's cheeks and Levi smiling every time. I simply loved my boys. I basked in every minute of our togetherness. Levi looked into my eyes and burst into a smile- the kind that starts with his forehead getting big and then it turns into a full body wiggle. I broke into tears out of pure love and the deepest joy and gratitude. My heart feels like its spreading into other parts of my body because it just can't hold all that love in my chest. Having Emmett by my side all day, chatting, laughing, singing, and playing is medicinal. I wish somehow motherhood could always feel like this.
I also have time weird tingling almost nervous sensation in the pit of my stomach. I think it's because I recognize the gift that today is. I know I won't always have soft squishy baby cheeks to nuzzle and naked tummies to kiss. I won't always have toddlers singing "Glooooooria.....inexcelsisdeeeeeeeeooooo" while they quietly play or use the bathroom. In the recesses of my heart I can't see being happy without these things. Now that I know the profound love of children I can't imagine life without every one of them. And it's going by so fast.
Today was absolutely amazing, and I never got out of my jammies or left the house.The thought came to me from the topical guide on temples, stating that only the home can compare to temples in sacredness. That is exactly how today felt- sacred. My home was filled with a love so pure and joyful I was on the brink of tears all day.
My thought as I approach this new year is that I want to be fully present in all I do- particularly as a wife and mother. I want to give my family my best self. I want to build castles and confidence, share play-doh and simple testimonies. I intend to be conscientious about things that distract me and habits that don't serve me well.
My life is so busy. The pressures on my shoulders are heavy. My responsibilities and demands on my time are consuming. I know that it's not possible for me to accomplish well all that I would like to. The only way I know to handle this is to start each day with a prayer and ask Heavenly Father to show me what is needful- just for today. Because while I'd like to spend all my days like today- absorbing each child and doing nothing but loving them- dishes and dinner and laundry are real. So are callings and yard work and grocery shopping and visiting teaching and scripture study and working out and journaling, and a hundred other worthy endeavors. I have a constant stress-like a cloud hanging over me, that I'm always neglecting at least a handful of very important things. I trust that if I ask Him what He wants me to do with my day, and then listen for that direction, that cloud will disperse. I'm committing to be better at this.
I hope with all my heart I have an untold amount of days like today in my future. I hope I recognize them and take them. I'm sure people all over the world saw amazing things today and had exciting adventures. I wouldn't trade any one of them for the pure and beautiful love I experienced in my home today.
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