The J shaped pancake

Something that's been on my mind lately is my growing awareness of the fact that I am largely unaware. Let me explain.

Recently at girls camp I was one morning infuriated with someone. I gave my classic, "what in the world" face (menacing eyes, hands thrown up in the air, for those not fortunate enough to have received this look from me...it is after Anabelle has received this look that she will say, "am I so busted Mom?"). A dear friend was standing close by cooking breakfast for the camp while I gave this look to another friend. I never said anything to dear friend. I left the room and went about my activities. A few minutes later I got the above pictured pancake from her. She put it on my plate and walked away. I don't think any words were spoken between us. But by doing this, she said everything. It changed my day. It changed me, if ever so slightly.

That experience has brought to memory other recent similar stories. Small acts that have meant everything. Like the week Braden first lost his job and Bethany and Brooks came over for dinner and she brought me a small pot of bright pink flowers. That 5 dollar pot of flowers brought me immense cheer for the next two weeks. It completely lifted me every time I walked by them. Or a few weeks after that when I was living in the hospital with Lila, Lindsey brought me a pair of pink, fuzzy, polk a dot socks because my feet were always cold there. I have a vivid memory of standing outside the NICU door at 3 am RAGGED in every sense of the word. I was waiting for them to open the door as it always took a few minutes. I looked down at my feet and noticed my new socks and in that moment felt renewed strength. My friend couldn't do anything about Lila but she cared that my feet were cold and she did what she could to ease my burden. I hope I take moments of pauses and waiting and notice the big picture, notice my socks.

Another thing that comes to mind is a memory from last year when I went home to my parents house. I was sitting in the back of Relief Society. I watched my seminary teacher who was sitting with several of her many many family members in that ward, get up and leave them and quietly go sit with a new sister who was sitting alone. She left her comfort and literally put her arm around someone feeling vulnerable. In that moment she added authenticity to what she preached to me every morning from the scriptures.

Most of the things that came to mind are from times when I was in distress. I feel sad to realize that it is in these times that I notice more readily the ways in which I am being cared for, protected, and watched after in very tender ways. I have to assume that I am always being cared for in these ways, but that I hardly take notice unless I am compelled to by humbling circumstances.

I used to work at a treatment center for adolescent girls. In the midst of their lives being turned upside down with struggle, the advice from one particular therapist was often, "Just Be". I think of that from time to time. I am usually so caught up in coming, going, doing, that I don't sit still long enough to notice or recognize where He is in all of it.

It has been said that God is in the details, and I am finding that to be true more and more all the time. Yes, He is in the details. Indeed, He is in our pancakes.