when you cry in the airport because you love your baby so much and you don't want her to die in a plane crash

 Anabelle loves her cousins something fierce. She has a hard time living far away from family. I think being home schooled brings that longing to the surface, due to more time and less friends. So, being the cool parents we are, we decided to send her to Washington for a week by herself. She desperately wanted to spend time at Grandmas house and in this family, getting the grandparents to yourself is no small occasion. We made arrangements with Ryan and Angi to pick her up and split the time with Grandma. It was a birthday surprise but we sent her a few weeks early so that she would be there in the summer, and also, not miss the baby being born. We wanted to thank her for being a responsible and dependable source of constant help in our house.

I packed up her stuff, threw it in the trunk, told her a friendly little white lie about going to the craft store with me, and we were on our way. She talked incessantly the whole way (bless her heart) about books she is reading and she didn't even notice where we were until we were literally at the airport drop off.

Her reaction was the best. Intense, like her. She was thrown because she likes to know everything and she was suddenly in a situation where she had no details and no prior knowledge. Her brain worked overtime to process the information. I saw and heard a voice and emotions I haven't heard from her since was a toddler. She grabbed for my hand as I walked her through the terminal, they were clammy and nervous. She couldn't eat the food I brought for her because she was sick to her stomach with nerves. As I sat with her waiting for her to board, a storm rolled in. A dark thundery storm with stupid ferocious Oklahoma winds. Then my nerves started rising.

If Braden had been the one to drop her off he would have hoped she got a window seat so she could see the lightening show and thought nothing more of it. But the mother in me went a little crazy and my mind went to all the bad places and it was everything I could do not to cry. I knew that she was anxious, so I acted happy and excited and gave her a giant squeeze and lots of kisses. I made her promise not to leave her clothes on the bathroom floor, not to monopolize conversations with information about Greek mythology, and to brush her teeth every day. Then I put her on the plane and I lost it.  I thought of how precious and wonderful she is and what a great little companion to me she has always been. I mean that's my baby. Like my first ever, spend all day by my side, baby. So yeah, it was ugly crying, right there in the airport. The plane was delayed and they were waiting for a break in the clouds to fly through. All the while I just stood there thinking about how deeply and dearly I love her and also wondering how she got old enough to leave the state by herself. It was a mothering moment when I wanted to hang on . I wanted her to have those experiences with family and I wanted to allow her to just be a kid for a week-without being a big sister and all the responsibilities that come with that-I know that is a burden for her. The combination of the storm, realizing how big she is and how fast time goes, and pondering what she means to me left me really ugly in a public place. I watched as that plane finally took off through a tiny little break in the clouds as lightening was flashing through the sky-it was ominous. I prayed all the way home that she would be protected.

And of course she was. And she had a fantastic marvelous week staying up late with her cousins and playing all day with them. Grandma and Grandpa took her out on a special date for her birthday. She got her Grandma to side with her that her bedtime is too early for an 11 year old. She had an amazing week.

When it was time to pick her up, Braden had all the kids with him. Emmett spotted her first and he went tearing through the line to get to her, shouting her name all the while. The others followed suit and soon it was a yell-hug fest that left Braden in tears for how sweet it was.