First day of school- 2017

Today was our first official day of the school year, according to Epic, our charter school. Braden had the day off work for labor day so we decided to go to the zoo instead. Because who would want to miss the chance to waddle around 38 weeks pregnant in the Oklahoma summer humidity, while wincing through contractions. Not this girl. Show me all the gorillas and orangutans. 

I have stressed about this school year since I realized this baby's due date. On the hard days of school and mothering, the thought of adding in a newborn would send me into near panic mode. I have wondered at least one hundred times how I can possibly do it all. My plate felt like it was already spilling over. And try as I might, I could not control the timing of this situation. 

And now here we are. It's underway. School is happening and this baby is coming and I'm sure my laundry room is about to be swallowed whole by the busy lives of our family of 8. I'm sure there are more egg dinners in our future than any of us would prefer and I'm not sure when I'll ever have time to pluck my eyebrows again, so let's all brace ourselves for that fuzzy new look. In all reality, my fears run deeper than that. I'm afraid that I'll be too tired to give the kids the educational experience they need and deserve. I'm afraid that I'll be too busy to be aware of and available for, all of their emotional needs. I fear for the lack of time and presence I'll have left over at the end of the day to give to my marriage. In short, I'm afraid to fail my family. I'm afraid of being not enough for the people I love the most. Of being spread so thin that everybody suffers. I've battled these fears for months now. It's sucked the joy right out of some days. I can't get those days back. So here's what I decided:

Some things are going to slide. All of the workbooks might not get done. Or all of the laundry. Or all of the dishes. Or any number of things that cause me stress when left unfinished. But I'm going to try my very best not to miss the essentials. A chance to chat with Anabelle on her bed in the afternoons. A puzzle with Elise or a book with Emmett. Building magnets with Maisey or simply holding the baby. I don't know how long I will homeschool. If this is my last year I want to cram in every scripture and quote and opportunity to build their faith that I possibly can. I don't claim to be the best person to teach them math and English, in fact, I'm certain I'm not. But I do think that as their mother I'm the best person to help them see and recognize the hand of God in our lives. To help them understand their worth as His daughters, and their great responsibility to lift and serve others. I am completely qualified for that job. My daily prayer is that I won't be distracted from that. That I'll be able to recognize, with great clarity, "the greater part". My internal Mary/Martha struggle is profoundly real. 

I want to soak up every bit of joy I can from these kids. I don't want to pass these precious days away in fear or anxiety or self-doubt. 

My goal is to exhibit the faith I'm trying so hard to teach them about. Faith that God has placed me in just these very circumstances to help me learn to put Him first, always- and then let everything else fall into place or out of my life. 

So here's to a new school year- believing in ourselves to do hard things, trusting that divine help will come as promised, finding joy in each other as we strengthen our family, and learning all we can along the way.  

Anabelle:5th grade, Elise: preschool, Maisey:2nd grade, Lila: 3rd grade

You know occasionally you look down and realize you literally have it all.