First day of school

Anabelle & Lila started school last week. Just a few hours after returning from our all night drive home from Washington actually.  Because what do we care if they're tired all day? Not our problem! 

They were both excited and happy to go. And it was hard for me to feel anything but the same when I knew what a good thing it would be for both of them. It's just a few hours a day so it's not such a huge deal. Long enough that Maisey and I can grocery shop in peace. Well, she does lean her head on the back of the cart and sings at the top of her lungs throughout the entire store. And this is how I define peace these days. 

PRESCHOOL!

She LOVES her backpack!

KINDERGARTEN!

The girls spent the morning before school running around the house with their backpacks on, including Maisey, who also insisted she wear hers to drop them off. When they got home from school I opened their backpacks to check for any papers from their teachers and found that they had taken their backpacks to school stuffed full of toys and animals that they had been "hiking" with.

As soon as we started walking home Masiey asked where Lila was. I told her she was at school. She said, " Can you go back and get her"? I told her that I couldn't and that she would be there the whole morning.  She said, "THE WHOLE MORNING?!".

But then she went home and pooped in the potty so I gave her a donut and put her in panties. And she was ecstatic! And so was I! And then she peed on the floor 6 times in a row and my enthusiasm quickly turned into impatience and I put a diaper on her and moved on with my life.

Lila doesn't have school on Fridays and that makes Maisey happy because she gets her old partner in crime back. They spend the whole morning just paling around together.

Doesn't she look terrified to leave me?

This ain't our first rodeo...

It's our second!

Last week we ate gummy worms and M&M's for lots and lots of hours in the car until we finally ended up in Washington. Like we'd miss a chance to let our kids have free range of Grandma's yard and Grandpa's horses. Or professional bull riding. Or seeing Beldon dressed up like the cowboy he always wanted to be. That would be crazy.

We had a fantastic week, as always. It is something of a rarity to get the parents all to yourself so we felt a little spoiled really.

Plus our best pals from college came over from Seattle so we felt even more spoiled.

Every time we go home to Braden's parents house I always come back with a hundred horse pictures. With happy girls in them. I'll show you ten and you can believe me about the rest.

My little big sister

The week before Braden came home Lori came to visit me. And she brought her kids to visit my kids. Our house was crawling with non-stop cousin fun. Lori and I stayed up and chatted on the porch at nights. Which is so much better than me sitting on my porch chatting with her on the phone because my ear didn't get all hot.

Cousins being together is better than cousins not being together. Yep, I just came up with that all by myself. You can use it though, if you want to and the moment is right.

On this day eight years ago...

We got married! And we thought we loved each other. And I guess we did, in a silly sort of way. I knew he was severely good looking and that he looked like Kurt Russell in Backdraft. And that it was really hot when he played "Let it Be' on the piano. But that was before we accomplished anything together, like graduating from college or paying off debt, or getting the job offer we really wanted. Or lost anything together, like a job and stability. Or went on any amazing trips, like Brazil and NY. And defiantely before we made babies together and then loved those babies more than our own lives. It was long before we spent half of our lives apart, on different sides of the world, missing each other like crazy. Long before we spent any time on our knees pleading for the health of a child. We could never have imagined the joy we would feel together watching our children grow.

I just keep getting happier. And the best part of all of this, is that we're just getting started.

It seemed like we had a lot to celebrate. So I racked my brain for the things that make Braden happy. And I came up with... meat! So I delivered a bouquet of Bacon roses to his squadron. And he delivered a bouquet of Lillies to me. Yay for us knowing each others favorite flower! And then I secretly made a reservation for Ruth's Chris steakhouse because he always says he wants to eat there. But then we remember that we're actually not rich so we go to In n Out instead. But what else says I love you like a delicious hunk of cow? (even if we have to eat macaroni for a month to make up for it)?

It was really a fantastic day.

AEF Deployers Retreat

The Air Force puts on a retreat for families who has had, or will have, someone deploy in the last or the next six months. Or in our case, someone currently deployed. I was the only one from the latter category. It is a fantastic program that I think actually does contribute to morale and family integration. It costs $50 bucks for your family to stay in a condo resort and be fed for an entire weekend. There were lots of different activities for the family, and several mandatory meetings for the parents with a family psychologist who specializes in military life. Given, she has no family and she's not in the military. But she's written 5 books about it so she understands us completely. Which is why when asked the question about how to deal with misbehaving and confused children, her advice was that it's hard and to be patient. So the rest of the weekend that Lila spent screaming at every conversation, I just patiently waited for her to understand the changes in her life. I didn't buy her book. In fact her books were free there and I didn't even take one. And since when do I turn down free? When your advice sucks, yet you distribute it in hardbound form, that's when. The housing, food, activities, and babysitting were all provided by volunteers and charitable organizations. It was very humbling to see a community come together to support military families and recognize the immense stress that results from frequent separations. That being said, it was a terrible weekend for me. Just bad timing, really. It was geared for full families- not haggard single moms with a bunch of toddlers. Our pack n play didn't work so this left Maisey no choice but to roam around the house until midnight crying. And then she and I finally fell asleep. For one hour. And then the fire alarm starting beeping because it was low on batteries. And we woke up. And we tried to go downstairs to sleep but it was so loud. So I finally decided to stack a bunch of furniture on top of one another so I could reach the blasted contraption and rip out the battery. This I did. And that's how I know that removing the battery will set off the whole full blown fire alarm, waking the entire family. I don't know that I ever really went to sleep that night. And do you know what really annoyed me? Not being able to access Braden in any way. Just the always feeling alone in these situations and not having the other half of me to talk to, get it off my chest, and move on. My crazy night kinda put a damper on taking the kids to the beach by myself and then taking them to a concert on a mountain until late into the night. Interestingly, the base chaplains were aware of my situation but really seemed unwilling to help. A reservist chaplain showed up not aware of who I was or my situation. Each meal was buffet style so taking all three kids through the line and carrying the plates was pretty annoying. The reservist, not full time with the base, just noticed I needed help and would keep an eye out for opportunities to do so. During the daddy daughter dance he came and got the girls to dance, and he would sit with them so I could get food. Apparently, people began talking, and he took some flack for helping me. Someone asked him, "What are you going to do when her Airman comes back?". He and I had a chat at the end of the weekend (after I noticed a big Y on his shirt), and I made the remark to him that of all the staff, he was the only one who was willing to help me, yet also the only one unaware of my situation. He just saw a chance to be helpful and jumped in. He said the other chaplains were afraid to help because they didn't want the reputation that he now had. And then he shrugged his shoulders, smiled, and said, "but it's what Jesus would do". A simple thought and a simple teaching. But his choice to follow it got him in some trouble professionally. I was really grateful for his example. He had no idea that I was LDS, he was just being Christian. Although it was less than relaxing for me, the girls had a great time. Which always seems to be the case. Which is why I do it. I swear I feel life being sucked out of me whenever I undertake such things. You know, the speaker was right. Patience, IS the answer. I guess I just wanted her to give it to me in a bulleted outlined plan that I can follow so I don't lose my mind. But she couldn't do that, so I drank a Diet Coke so I could have some energy, and took out my camera so I could take some cute pictures of the girls having fun. And maybe that's my answer. Maybe there is no secret to doing this gracefully. Maybe it just is hard by its nature and you just have to square your shoulders, find a smile, and try to find all the bits of joy you can, even when you feel ragged inside.

They had a birthday cake for all the kids who have birthdays when their Daddy's are gone. And they gave out Build a Bears so the Dad's can record a message for each of their kids. And they took a family picture. It really is a GREAT program, that I hope to do in December WITH Braden.

Boatin rides were my favorite part of the weekend. It put the kids to sleep. The sweet guy driving just kept letting me take rides with the girls.

Stick a fork in me, I am DONE.

As late June arrived and I had only to survive a few more weeks of deployment, one would think I would be filled with excitement. However, I found myself really struggling with the girls and in desperate need of some sanity. Anabelle responds really well to my Mom and loves to follow her around the Motel playing her Kindergarten games. I thought maybe the namesake connection might snap Anabelle out of the world of sass and whining in which she had taken residency. So we hopped in the car and went to St. George for a week. The girls had a crazy amount of fun at Katasha's house. I however, can only recall being the most frustrated with Anabelle that I ever have been. And then Tim & K-tosh took my kids to the motel, allowing both my Mom and I temporary freedom. Maybe because he feared for the safety of my children, not a completely unfounded fear. We ate at Cafe Rio. We went to a movie. We went shopping. We've never done that before. It was one of those times in your life when you know you are experiencing something precious that you will likely never have the chance to replicate. I think I'll always be grateful for that day with my Mom as long as I live. The next day we had the terrible idea to take said rascally kids to the apricot orchard. And it was a pretty horrendous experience. BUT- we did get hundreds of apricots and then Tim, K-tosh, Mom and I made jam together the next day. And that was fun. And I decided jam making should be our new tradition. Replacing our old tradition. Of......not making jam together.

Adalee

You know when your phone rings in the middle of the night and it scares the ba-jeebies out of you because you just know that someone has died. Or is that just me? Well on June 14th my phone rang in the middle of the night but to my pleasant surprise, nobody had died. In fact, someone was being born! And I got to watch. And snap a few pictures. Cody and Jess were on their way to the hospital and I met them there for what proved to be a long and grueling day. For Jess. For me it was amazing. Although, it actually caused me great stress and anxiety to watch her go through that process all day. Knowing exactly how she was feeling and not being able to do anything but watch and take pictures was tougher than I imagined it would be. I spent the whole day thinking to myself how I never want to do that again and feeling nothing but dread for when I would. But then I held little Adalee. And I put her soft new cheeks to mine. And I took one whiff of her tiny little vernix coated head and it was game over for me. It's a drug you know, that Vernix. It's a drug for women that takes over all sensible rational parts of your brain. Even having experienced and watched natural childbirth several times and knowing the terrible toll the whole process takes on me- one whiff and I all I can think is " I'm getting one. I'm getting a baby". I felt totally tricked but there was nothing I could do. There is something so completely magical and perfect and pure about holding a brand new baby. But I think there's a little extra something when that baby is a realization to years of prayers and fasting of an entire family. Jess did an amazing job. It was a beautiful experience and I will always be grateful to have been a part of it.