What a year...

We just returned yesterday from a road trip to Florida where we spent Christmas with Braden's family. I had the chance while driving all night to do a little reflecting on these past 12 months. I thought about all that has happened in our lives this year. I came away from this experience feeling immensely blessed. This was no doubt our hardest year- full of hardship and a seemingly endless string of trial after trial. But we learned some stuff. Some really important stuff. Somebody asked me right before Christmas if we had everything we needed, and I told her that we did. Then she asked if we have everything we wanted, and after thinking about it, I realized that those two things have become one and the same to me. And this year has been a tutorial in getting to that place where I have realized a few simple beautiful truths:

-If you have healthy kids, who cares what else you don't have.
-Family is everything.
-Good friends are gifts from God, I really believe that.
-Appreciate each seemingly average normal day with my kids- it means that we are all healthy.
-Be faithful to the Lord, He watches over and guides my life.
-Be grateful

I learned some other stuff too that's less crucial. Like:

-Never ever ever ever give anyone from the La Leche League (or any other breastfeeding fanatic)my phone number. Anabelle is forming complete sentences with proper conjugation of verbs and she can count to nineteen, AND I have another suckling child- so yes, I have stopped breastfeeding her! Stop calling! Sheesh.
-We can live on beans and rice and still be happy.
-Never potty train a child. Should this come up in parenting, promptly ship them away until all bowel issues have been resolved. Growl.
-Don't use any box of hair dye. Don't do it. Seek a support group for the addiction and call a friend to help you through the weak moments.
-Run. It makes me feel good. I learned that lesson this year from not being able to.
-Doctors are not the boss of my kids. I worked hard to grow, birth, and feed them and by golly, I am the boss. I learned to trust myself as a Mom and put the Mama foot down if I need to.
-Slow down. Drive slow. Don't speed. Obey the speed limit.
-GSE is useful for about a million household things. Love it. Look it up and love it with me.
-Take time for the things that matter. Read adult books. Well not "adult books" but books that are on an adult level with big words and less pictures. Some pictures would be good though. My kids won't remember if I dusted or not but they will remember if I took time to play with them and hold them. Take time for Braden, even if we pay a babysitter just so we can go grocery shopping and to the post office without diapers and time outs. Just be together- this matters more than I ever imagined.

I'm not gonna lie- I feel anxious to put this year behind me. To take the doll face I got out of this year and run and never look back. But in the looking back I feel humbled to tears to think of all the blessings. The miracles. The nights I knelt by my bed in the hospital and cried in gratitude for friends, for medical care, for family, for service, for compassion. I could not count those nights. And in each one of those prayers I prayed with all my heart that because I could not hold Lila or comfort her or care for her, that somehow she would know anyway how much I wanted to, and how deeply and completely I love her. I prayed that she would feel the love of her Heavenly Father. Someone held her the other day for a few minutes for me and when I went to get her they thanked me for letting them hold her. She said she felt as though she had talked with God during those few minutes because she had never looked into anyone's eyes and felt such love. I feel like this has been a year of answered prayers -from Lila's health, to Braden's job, and everything in between.