Late night meditations...

About a week or so ago Braden and I had a weird experience. It came and went and I hadn't really thought on it since. But tonight as I tried to go to sleep, for whatever reason, my mind keeps replaying what happened and I am left with the impression that the experience holds a deeper significance. A metaphor maybe? So here I am in what has become my only source of record keeping trying to write it out so I can get some sleep.

It was late and I was buying something online. I was the only one awake. Right as I was finishing the purchase I was suddenly feeling consumed with worry. I paused a while before finalizing trying to decipher the feeling. Because I couldn't decide if the feeling was related to what I was doing or something else, I didn't continue and instead went to bed.

After a while (I don't think I had even fallen asleep yet) Anabelle came in our room and asked me to snuggle her. I took her into the bed in the spare room and she fell back to sleep. Awhile later, Braden had apparently awoken and came in the room where we were. He asked me to bring Anabelle back to our room where he is. He says he has a worried feeling and feels that we all need to be together. I carry Anabelle back to our room so now our whole family is together. I lay down and after a minute Braden asks me to trade him sides so that he is closer to the door. Then a while later he walks the house, making sure it is secure. Then a while later he got up and shut the door to our room. When he did this I wondered for a minute what a closed door would do in the face of something truly fierce and dangerous. It struck me then that he seemed desperate to protect in any way possible. I even got up and put on clothes in case we needed to leave suddenly. We whispered a prayer together quietly and then we lay there waiting. I don't know for what. It was interesting that we both had the same feeling independent of the other person. When he first asked me to come to our room and expressed his feelings I didn't question him or press him on it because I was feeling the same way.

It was as if he was doing everything he could to put as many barriers between his family and whatever danger existed, real or not. He was terrified. We both felt that our family was in danger and we did everything we could think of to protect ourselves and be ready. We had our phones nearby, Braden had a weapon by his bed, and we lay ready and waiting. Now neither of us feel like this experience was a divine prompting-it came with no instruction, no peace, no clarity. Rather we feel it was an opposite power. It was overwhelmingly terrifying.

So here's the question I'm asking myself: are we, as parents, doing everything we can to create barriers from the world for our family, so that when danger appears suddenly, they are safe. Are we doing the things that create insulation from the darkness of the world, like family prayer, scripture study, Family home evening? Do we listen to songs that are uplifting, do we live in such a way that the Spirit dwells tangibly in our home? The scary thing, is that the answer to those questions is mostly yes. That scares me because as I reflect back on the absolute consuming darkness I felt that night the thought in my mind is, "it's not enough". We can do more. We can do better. We have to. These little girls are counting on us to keep them safe and teach them well. This is no time for casual commandment keeping, especially as it pertains to our children and families.

I have impressed upon my mind the danger we perceived for our family that night. I also have a deep sense that we are to fortify our home with every good thing we can give them, because the world is eager to give them something different. I feel that strongly. I pray Braden and I work together in our lives to figuratively build those barriers and provide that protection.