I'm approaching the end of this TDY. It doesn't seem like a month separation should be a big deal, especially considering the time we've spent apart. I've been telling myself, "I should be used to this", and "we've done much longer on several occasions". And maybe that's exactly the problem. I am used to this. And I think it gets worse instead of better. After the last few weeks of Lila's crazed tantrums and Emmett's midnight feedings (he's sick again), and just running all of us everywhere, I feel a little overworked. Or worked over. Today I took the girls to see the new Cinderella movie, something I have been excited to do for a few months now. It was a colossal disaster that despite my best efforts and preparation, resulted in me feverishly carrying a screaming Emmett and a wailing Elise out of the theatre. A few highlights for the rest of the day included Lila and Maisey burying their lunch in the grass, Elise shattering my ceramic vase, Lila shattering a glass in the bathroom and not saying anything-leaving me to discover it by walking into it while on my way to putting a mud covered naked Elise in the bath tub. They dumped an entire bag of pistachios on the carpet I had just vacuumed and I found Elise with a razor in her mouth. I just had the overwhelming feeling today that I am frustrated doing this alone. I'm tired of being this frazzled Mom who always feels two steps behind, despite my best efforts, because I'm simply outnumbered always.
The fact that Braden has been in a penthouse suite on Copacabana beach for the last month doesn't help my frustration. C'mon though, I'm more mature than that, right? I'm not resentful. I'm not bitter. It's just a rough day. Rough couple weeks. I'm happy for him. I'm grateful. I'm happy and grateful. Grateful and happy. I am so grateful and happy.
Okay, I'm a little bit mad. Just for right now. But I'm on my way to being happy and grateful. As soon as he gets back and I walk out the door I'm going to be happy and grateful.
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