Until the afternoon that Col Smith asked to speak with Braden. Privately. He thought he was busted. Being that there are 150 other 2nd Lts buzzing around the squadron with a new crop in and out every six weeks, it's not like he's hanging around the Col. much.
He asked Braden if he is interested in the new CRC position. This option just became available to graduating students in the last few months. Braden recently came home and told me about them:
B: "Hey, they have new bases available....Hill in Utah and Mountain Home Idaho!"
J: "Are you kidding me?! Yes! Let's do that. How do we do that?!"
B: "I don't know. But their deployments are 6 on, 6 off."
J: "Um, forget about it. No location is worth that deployment schedule."
Fast forward two months... (where we will now go to a mock Q&A format using questions I have received from family over the last few weeks, so that I don't have to write fluid paragraphs).
Q: Did the Col offer him the CRC position in Eglin, and why is that a big deal?
A: Why yes, he did! It's a big deal because his call sign night wasn't to happen for 2 more weeks and it was cool of him to pull Brade aside and give him the option. They generally reserve this position for the top rated student in each class. It is a compliment that they would offer it to him (especially because although he has done well, he is not numero uno). They said they take into account personality when considering this position, as they need this person to lead hundreds of airmen in the field.
Q: What are the advantages of this job?
A: It should be good for him career wise. While the majority of his counterparts are training in the sea of ABMers at Tinker, working the snack bar and other non essential casual jobs, he will be one of a handful of officers in charge of a few hundred enlisted airmen, thus giving him plenty of leadership opportunity. Also, it is helpful when it comes time for boards for rank advancement. Also, it is hard physical labor, which appeals more to Lt Reynolds who prefers not to sit around all day, even if it is in an airplane. Also because he likes to scare the eebie jeebies out of his wife.
Q: Is it dangerous?
A: More so than flying in an AWACS, that's for sure. He reassured me at first that it is safe. Then found out that there was an incident where the truck blew up and everybody died. But has since reassured me that they don't convoy anymore so it's really not that bad.
Q: So when will you he deploy?
A: Every six months, for six months.
Q: How long will you do this job.
A: Between 2-3 years.
Q: Do you get a raise?
A: No, but you're free to send edible bouquets of dark chocolate and fresh fruit to said wife at any time during deployments.
Q: Um, why are you doing this?
A: Because it's the only way to get away with a beard in the Air Force.
Q: Are you proud of Braden for being a picked-out-of-the-crowd kind of awesome?
A: What a silly question. YES!
The truth of the matter is this: since the moment he came home and told me about it, I just knew it was going to happen. And he said the moment the Col told him about it, it felt right. We actually never discussed not doing it. It somehow didn't even seem like an option. We drove over to Eglin the next day to get a feel for the base (it's about 50 miles from here). The housing situation is looking glum. Looks like it will end up costing us quite a bit more to live there in order for us to be in a good neighborhood. And let me tell you, being alone for at least a year, we WILL be living in a good neighborhood. The tricky thing is that it's beach side so it's very expensive and our BAH just doesn't cover what it will cost.
I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this. I resisted Braden's requests to be in the military for a while on the grounds of safety and being a single mom. He assured me over and over how those two things were basically a non issue for his specific job. And now we're here, and that's not the case at all. It's so far from what was supposed to be. How did we get here? How did this happen? This wasn't supposed to happen. This very thing, this ultimate level of uncertainty where your safety and your family life are in question and out of your control, this was my hang up with it all along. And yet, we're here so....
It's one of those things where too many things have happened just right. Too many small miracles and "coincidences" to deny that this is our path. Not the path that I would have chosen, for sure. But one that I am learning to accept and embrace.
Col Smith said it would be hard on our family. That kind of constant change and transition on our little family and marriage (especially considering the effect OTS had on Anabelle) is absolutely daunting when I let myself get to thinking about it. I wonder how the girls will handle Braden leaving constantly for long periods of time. I get sad knowing he will miss the majority of holidays for at least two years in a row. I get sad at the thought of him possibly missing a birth or big chunks of the girls lives. I understand how exhausting it is to be a single parent.
So with all this on my mind, I was going through pictures the other day and was struck immediately by this one
What you and I see and understand by looking at this picture is very different than what Lila understood to be happening at the time. Lila knows that Braden is near her because she can see him out of the corners of her eyes. He is after all, the one who put her up there. But what she can't comprehend with her limited visibility and perspective, is how very safe she truly is. She doesn't know that her Dads hands are practically wrapped around her, in case she should slip, or get tired, or scared, or sweaty. There is no way she will fall with him protecting her in this way. Holding her up would rob her of the full experience. But he stands by, ready to rescue if need be, all the while cheering her on.
I don't know any of the specific details of how this will work or the blessings that will come from it. All I know from my limited perspective is that it will be hard. But looking at this picture reminds me of a loving Father in Heaven with outstretched arms, protecting, and ever watching over me. I know He is there guiding my life in this tender way. I feel like I go along life with my narrow perspective doing the best I can. And then every once in a while, I have a trial that offers me the opportunity to trust wholly on the merits of Heaven in order to get through. And in doing so, you get a little peak at the big picture, and you remember what this whole gig is all about. And in the end you feel grateful for the growth and the humility and the faith.
What an opportunity for me to have a little faith. And to suck it up and stop being a flippin cry baby. I'm working on that. In fact, I'll probably even start tomorrow.
2 comments:
I just spent the last 30 minutes catching up on your blog. You amaze me. You have so much faith. You are so blessed. Our lives are never how we pictured them huh. But your right, looking back it was all ment to be.
Sorry about no date nights :( but like A said, you will be ok :)
Glad you're old posts come back if this was one of them. It was awesome and something I needed to read.
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