Pack Trip

Most of you are reading this righ now becaue you saw that we had a new post an got excited that you would get to hear a funny story from Julie, but alas, it is just her less funny husband. I know I don't usually do this but Julie was not on our family pack trip up into the Rockies of northern Wyoming. It was just the original Gary Reynolds clan, all eight of us. Mom, Dad, and their litter. And I will just say that it was UNBELIEVABLE. That is all. Our wives were kind enough to allow us this time together - let me take a moment to give a shout out to them. Thank you Angi, Kat, Morgen, Julie, Jessica, and even you Jason, who for the first time got a little taste of what it means to get involved with this crowd. Heck, MaShay was probably the worst of any of us, she missed her Beau so badly!!! Anyway, we started at a place called Boulder Basin and ended up coming out of the Greybull River valley near Meteetsee(sp?)So I will try to tell the story mostly with pictures. You may think there are a lot of pictures, and that's because there are. Well, it's my blog and I'll do as I please. Enjoy, and be jealous.

Dad was the only real cowboy in the bunch, and he looked the part too. Just look at him, in his element.

A lot of the forest we passed through had been burnt out by forest fires in previous years. It was pretty cool to see actually.

This was Cap, Dad's horse on loan from Uncle Steve. Ryan just wanted a picture with the coolest looking horse we had. Personally, I think it just makes Ryan look scrawny.

When we got to our biggest top out on Day 2 you could look back and see where we had come from. Somewhere out there.

I love this pic of D and his horse PD. We thought it was Petey, not P.D. (meaning "Painted Desert") Whatever. We called him Hidalgo anyway.

This is the morning of day 2. You wouldn't know it, but it snowed the night before.

We did a lot of climbing on day 2. And sometimes on foot because one of the horses hurt himself on day 1 so we gave him the day off.

This is how the evenings were spent. Sometimes with a guitar singing some James Taylor of Simon and Garfunkle tunes. What can we say, we are our father's children.

We did have one mule along with us. Cora was her name. And while she was a great pack horse, she was also a Jackass....HA! You could count on her wiggin' out at least once every morning while we piled the weight on her back. The best was the day she jumped for some reason and we had just put the guitar on her back, so when she jumped the guitar would slap her butt so she would jump again, and so on.....Can't believe that guitar made it out alive.

This was on the side of the river that was running by our campsite on days 3,4, & 5.

Getting all that junk to stay on the horses was not an easy process and we only mastered in on the last day. We spent 3 hours packing up camp every day that we relocated.

That is MaShay and that stud kissin' on her is named Chrome Dome.

As you can see, Mom couldn't care less that her daughter is wiping her snot on her hood. Just an indication of our concern for cleanliness by day 3. Personally I could have gone all week without a bath. But when we took off the layers one night in the tent to play some card games, the family kicked me out until I was clean. I must say, there was something liberating about standing stark naked next to that river washing myself with ice cold water. Natural as the trees around me. I didn't even feel the cold.

One of the mountain tops we reached. This one had a mountain sheep runnin down the side when we got there. Yeah, it was cool.

We found a killer campsite at the end of day 2. Plenty of grazing for the horses and a river running right by us. Kinda wish we had hung out there longer.

Not the best pic, but we had to take one with the whole family on their horses. Notice Cody's cute green tights. He fell in the river in his jeans....twice.

Just getting ready to head out.

Reese and a pack horse affectionately named Rockstar. We didn't know his real name, just that he was one of Bob's three stooges. But look at him, with the hair and all that. He just screams Rockstar.

Never again will I play regular paint ball. Wrist rockets are soooooo much cooler. Hurts worse and way more action. Not to mention cost efficiency.

Climbing the mountains on day two. These horses were awesome. They just kept chuggin along. As did Daman, who had to climb the largest mountain on foot. You DaMan, Daman.

We all slept in the tent because, well, heaven forbid we spend any time apart. I love being us.

This was my first introduction to my mate for the week, Fireball. He was awesome and we had a great time. I miss him.

This was the coolest ridge we topped out on. Beautiful views....

Packing the paniers. They had to be equally weighted for the horses' sake.

Our first night in the snow came down. It was beautiful! And really not that cold. And it was gone by morning.

The end of the trail. All of us in one piece. The only accident of significance was when Reese got hit in the head with a branch he was trying to break and Cody had to (I use the phrase "had to" liberally here. It was more for entertainment than anything) staple it shut with some skin stapler. I think it was out of the Horse First Aid kit. Awesome.

If Lila had hair...

Finally! A way to play with both kids simultaneously. Okay, admittedly, I was the most entertained. I think this activity speaks volumes about her good looks- you can't look at too many people with a comb-over and still want to kiss them. Personally, I think Lila will make a stunning blonde. Play-doh makes all the world a brighter place. Literally.

Anabelle turned two and learned where to poo

Behold the face of a potty trained two year old. Friday was Anabelle's second birthday. We weren't sure how much she got the birthday concept. She had been singing happy birthday all week in the bath tub and the play cake in her kitchen became birthday cake. When I went to get her out of her bed in the morning I said, "Anabelle, Happy Birthday, you're two!" and she said, "Yeah, I toot. Excuse me." I laughed and said, "No buddy, you're two years old today, you're two." To which she said, "Yeah and I burp too." Ah,forget it.

In the recent past, she has walked around the house looking for something and then asked me where her bike was. Since she didn't have a bike, I reminded her of that. It's a pretty brilliant strategy she was working on me. So we finagled up a little Radio Flyer trike for her and asked her if she wanted to see her birthday present. She walks up to it and says casually, "Oh,my bike." I was expecting a little more...surprise or emotion. I mean she gets super pumped up if I mention words like "yogurt", or "Shrek" or "marshmallows". Especially marshmallows. Or marshmallow filled yogurt while watching Shrek. On the days I want to be an extra cool Mom. I mean it's not like we got her a Huffy- we're talking Radio Flyer here- top of the line quality transportation. I'm not sure which one of is confused about previous bike ownership, but I am glad she feels that all things have rightfully been restored to her. We had a little gathering of ankle-biters for some "puppy" cake and ice cream. Braden and I blew up hundreds of balloons. I sometimes have a tendency to exaggerate numbers. Not today my friends. I mean a few hundred. The exaggeration comes into play in saying that Braden and I did it together. He really didn't pull his weight on that one, I won't lie. But the sore fingers and dizziness was worth it when I walked by the balloon room and saw extremities sticking up through the sea of balloons. A hand here, a foot there. I played in it myself after everybody went home and I gotta say- it's sort of awesome.

I can't believe we have a two year old. A very mature two year old at that. I know this because most of the toys she got said ages 3+ on it and she is totally working those toys like it's her job. I'm not sure if my kid is ahead of the game (no pun intended), or if toy manufacturer's are severely underestimating our children.

By way of update, as soon as I made it public knowledge that Anabelle was not holding it until she could make it to a public restroom, she stepped up her performance. That very night we went to Dollar Tree and she told me she had to go potty. I go flipping my cart through the aisles looking for the bathroom, find an employee, wait for him to get the key, set her on the toilet and she goes. I yell, kiss her many many times and tell her that I will buy her anything she wants in the whole store. It is fortunate that we were in the dollar store so I could make such a superb promise. Her eyes light up and we go to the toy aisle where she asks me to hand her each toy so she can examine it for the next half hour. She looks them over, hands them back and says about each one, "No sank you. I don't like that toy". She asked to see a furry glove with long claws meant to be some sort of Halloween creature. She puts it on and sits in the cart waiting for the next passerby. When they appear she shoots her hand out at them and yells, "SCARE"! She did this a few times but apparently it was not having the effect she was going for. I admit that the girls' got a decent growly voice on her. It didn't quite scare me, but it did absolutely crack me up. In the end she settled on a squishy lion. I think she picked it because she likes to say the word squish. The true test was going to church because that girl would trade her new bike to stay in nursery. She did have to go during sacrament meeting. As Braden was taking her out she told the people in each row she passed, "I'm going potty now, I have to go potty".

Now our only problem is sleep time. She does not stay dry while sleeping so I put her in a Pull-Up. Which she pulls down. And off. And throws out of her bed. And then she pees. And then I wash all of her linens plus half the animal kingdom which must sleep with her. I have tried the layering trick. It turns out she can pull four layers off just as well as she can pull one layer off. The other day I walked in to get her from her nap and she says, "I don't take my panties off, I don't take my shorts off, I pooped on monkeys head". It seems that if she had followed the first two instructions which she clearly understood yet ignored, monkey would not have fallen victim to her sick unbreakable ways. But for now we celebrate wildly her huge accomplishment. I might just give her a pot of marshmallows tonight for dinner for making it happen.

What a time

Oh what a week. Braden is out of town. For nine whole days. But what a time of life in general. I had ambitions to catch up on some scrapbooking in Braden's absence. I have also been going through closets and sorting seasonal clothing. These two activities together have caused me to investigate an astonishing fact: How is it that this house is FULL of little wee girl clothing and yet my daughter is naked in almost every picture (with the exception of accessories- she somehow has no pants on, but is frolicking around donning a turquoise necklace from 1984 heavier than she is, my sunglasses, and Braden's tie. Now that the mental picture is in place-let's proceed). This realization startled me. I hesitate scrapbooking this fact. Will someone catch on if I put stickers over 80% of her pictures? There are a few explanations for this and I do feel the need to explain, seeing how this responsibility falls on my shoulders.

Firstly, she is dressed when she goes to sleep. Sometimes that is not the case when she wakes up. If she is dressed, I take off her "night dress" (jammies are "yucky") so as to limit my dirty laundry, because inevitably, she will wear some part of breakfast. Then there's the outfit I put her in before running morning errands. Then there's the one I put on her after the first one gets drenched in milk from the last minute snack before we walk out the door. Drenched, not splattered. Splattered outfits go to the store. Then there's the outfit I put on her after she doesn't quite make it to the potty. If she's wearing anything at this point in the day it gets sacrificed to dinner. I can only deduce that the bulk of our pictures get taken at this point in the day. Naked with some straggling bracelets and a unicorn tuft of hair where an earlier pony tail hung with a cute bow. "What's the point" I find myself saying. And Lila- let's not even detail Lila's outfit changes. It sufficeth me to say that they are many. For her as well as anyone holding her or within a 5 foot projectile radius. Maybe I will just take a picture of their closet full of clean clothes and include it in the scrapbook, just so they know that I did my part.

Secondly, I find myself in the throes of the two worst parts of parenting for me thus far: breastfeeding and potty training. And they are ganging up on me simultaneously. (Hey, I believe in breastfeeding just as much as the next guy. But the truth is, I'd rather punch myself a million times in the face. It would be less painful. Although it is the only time in my life I can approximate the time pretty accurately by feeling my chest). I spend, on average, at least 70% of my days feeding Lila while sitting next to Anabelle on the toilet, singing variations of the "Bus song" and reading the same 12 books (put me on a Sesame Street trivia show, I dare you). It's all I can do to keep both my kids fed and pooping in the right places. I try to give Lila formula to ease the insanity and she gives me a face that says, "Really Mom? What is this crap?" No seriously. That is exactly unmistakably what her face says. She did however seem to enjoy the generous helping of 2% milk given her by a certain sister. Not to mention the fact that I have recently discovered that my not yet two year old is playing me like a fiddle. She gets mini marshmallows for every successful trip to the potty. And I have noticed a pattern lately: She goes pee. Not too much, but she does go. She gets a few mallows. Right as the last mallow hits her mouth she has to go again she says. Before the last ones are even swallowed. I'm doubtful, but I'm not taking chances so we return to the bathroom we call home. She immediately goes some more. Again, just a little. Is this kid really cutting her pee in half for fruit flavored mallows? And if she does have that ability, why is she not using it to hold it while we're out in public until we can find a potty? I gotta get to the bottom of this. The price of Pull-ups compared to diapers demands that I find answers. And speaking of being swindled, the county we live in is going bankrupt because of a political scam so they are taxing our water bill to recover money. Last month we used $20.00 in water but our bill was over $70.00 which is 2.8 times what we actually used. So every time Anabelle flushes for her mischievous mallow method, it's like she's flushing 3.8 times. Wow, Really?! Am I counting toilet flushes? Judge me if you want but I'm being hustled on every side.

On the up side, we have spent lots of time this week playing "cooking" in her room and talking about using our imaginations. Happily, it is the only cooking that went on all week. This morning she made for me a dolphin and a whale out of a piece of bread. She even licked the bread to make it more pliable while forming the mouth. It was remarkably impressive. However, it is bread. Licked bread, and I wasn't going to eat it. So a while later she walks by the kitchen and sees her creations in the trash. "Mom! Don't you throw my dolphin away!" But it was her look that really got me. She has never made that face before. I have never been looked at like that before. It was a face that said, "How could you?" I felt like pond scum.

I was talking with a college friend today and we were discussing the paradox of this stage of our lives. I have never known such absolute joy in all my life. I have also never before googled how to sell a child on ebay. Okay I still haven't done that, but I have surprised myself at the level of frustration I can feel and the amount of ice cream I can eat in a single sitting. Wouldn't trade it for the world. I don't want to go back and I certainly don't want to skip anything. What a time. What a wonderful amazing time.

Hired!

Why is it that all the world is a brighter place after a Sunday nap? I simply couldn't help napping; I felt lethargic and sluggish after eating one(or seven)too many banana bars. Out of laziness I asked for a banana recipe in my last post. My cousin came through with what turned out to be a toothsome little treat. I'm not sure whether to bless her or curse her. Braden didn't make any deals with me, however he did go out of town for the week, leaving me with an entire pan of them.

I'm pretty sure most toddlers have the same infatuation with buttons, nobs and all things turnable or pushable that A-belle has. She also enjoys dumping and filling. These hobbies and skills occured to me the other day as I was doing the 17th load of laundry, thanks to our projectile puker. It just hit me- I mean really, what does laundry break down to? A load (pun intended) of nob turning, button pushing, sorting, dumping, filling, fun. So I hired her immediately.

We're a little shaky on the stain removal but her skills are coming along. I'm sure I can find a way to employ (or expolit?) her other hobbies around the house. If only we had a garden, or a commercial grade farm for that matter, because boy could I fertilize it.

Over the weekend..

Ahhh Anabelle, what a sweet smile on that darling little face. Now picture that little face shrieking and screaming. Add to that picture flailing arms and stomping feet and noodly little body being thrown about every which way. And then crying- unstoppable irrational crying. For those of you who missed Lila's blessing on Sunday, don't feel bad, so did I. I heard the first sentence. It was a lovely sentence. And then came the hysterics. I was trying desperatley to get her to calm down and be quiet. I was doing everything I could think of short of beating her right there in church. I did briefly consider it. I even thought of a scripture to justify it. Finally a friend realized that Anabelle was the screeching load of fun and took her out. So I heard the last sentence too. Oh the anger. Luckily Braden's mom was there and took notes so I got to read it. But oh the anger. I told her a few minutes later that she was not to talk and yell in church. "Why not"? This is what the congregation heard her chant about 12 times as I carried her out. An untimely tantrum to say the least. Such displays of behavior are what give poor two year olds such a bad rap. So to all those toddlers who sat quietly coloring or thumbing through a book, I apologize on her behalf. She's usually delightful and quite hilarious. I have since vowed to move back a few rows. Like 30 rows. Like we will now take up Sunday residence against the back wall. And if a similiar event ever occurs I could perhaps duct tape her to the wall. A solution that was unavailable to me this week. Just trying to keep my options open.

Moving on to less painful stories...Lila had her first party on Saturday. Friends from church threw a little celebration party for her. It was so nice. I mean stuffed grape leaves and shrimp sort of nice. I felt so overwhelmed while I was opening presents. I started crying. I mean really, who cries at a party? I guess if the party is really lame and your boyfriend leaves you there to walk home or something. It was just another moment of realization that our family is being taken care of and that the Lord is aware of us and meeting our needs through the generosity of others.

Additionally, yet completely unrelated, I have a bowl of overripe bananas on my counter waiting to be made into something great. Something more than just a substantial dose of iron and potassium. If you have a recipe for something banana that will be so delicious that Braden will make terribly stupid deals with me if I will just make him another batch, please consider yourself morally obligated to post it here.

Going the distance...

August 21st, 2002: I met Braden in the hall at SVU. It was a few days before classes began. The moment falls far short of anything magical or telling. He asked me if I knew where Col. Lowe's office was. I think I said something like, "No, I don't know where anything is". It's possible that I may have said it in a fun and flirty voice accompanied by my best 'you should ask me out' smile (would I really have just answered his question without at least trying to let him know he was the hottest guy in school. Ever?). I think all girls have one of those smiles. Although, not to fret, I don't use mine anymore. Now I use my 'you should take out the trash' smile. Seems to be slightly less effective and tantalizing. Maybe if I wore lipstick? Anyway, neither of us ever dreamed in the beginning that we would ever be more than something to pass the time. Braden came along completely unplanned, enexpected and even unwanted. Sort of like a teenage pregnancy I guess. But much cuter. And now he's all I want. Two years of ridiculous dating, four years of marriage, two kids, nine moves, six cell phones, 47 plates of nachos, and countless gut laughs later- here we are. Here's to forever Brade, there's no one luckier.

Be still my little heart...

I spent the day at Children's Hospital today. Every time I go there and look around at the other kids I leave feeling so grateful for our "problems". Her neurologist said that the EEG from today is an improvement from the one a few weeks ago. He said the last one was bad and he was glad to see it look better. Her brain activity is still abnormal; he sees the "spikes" that occur right before a seizure, although he did not see any seizures during the test. The B6 deficiency theory doesn't really check out as I had hoped, although I do still have to supplement her because she is low. She has epilepsy but we are unsure about what kind or what to expect for the future. Hopefully it will be a childhood case and will go away. The doctor can't say for sure, but he believes they are benign, meaning that she has a good prognosis. If she has one more seizure she has to go on another medication. She is otherwise thriving and growing. She weighs 10 lbs 8 ozs (she was born at 6 lbs 12 ozs) and is starting to get the fat creases, which I adore. Which is pretty incredible considering she pukes up at least half of what she eats. She is grinning and smiling like a champ. Everytime I look at her she grins and coos and melts my little heart. She has such a happy personality. I mean would you still be smiling if someone forced you to wear that ridiculous hat?

Seeing Attle

Wow that was a long time to leave the blog on a bit of a downer. Especially because plenty of great things have happened since then. We spent a week in Washington for Braden's brothers' wedding. I'm not sure that we have ever needed a break from our lives more. We sort of hid out from reality for a week and it was good for us. I told Anabelle we were going to go to Seattle and while we were driving there she said, "We're seeing Attle Mom". Lila got to meet the Reynolds fam and we got to be dry all day. What's neat about that is that we got to decide- if we wanted to be wet we could take a shower or go swimming. Otherwise, we got to be dry. Whoa- that is huge and excellent for those of us residing in the soggy south. The wedding was beautiful, the weather was dynamite, our family is a hoot, and we happened to get the chance to see two very good sets of old friends. One of them had their first baby while I was there. I appreciate that.

Lila did have two seizures while we were there which was very disheartening for me. I had mostly convinced myself that we were out of the woods so I felt a little discouraged to be re-entering the mess of doctors and hospitals again. I called her neurologist who said that he received a test result last week indicating that Lila's pirodoxine levels (vitamin B6) were low, and that can cause seizures. I hadn't taken my prental vitamins last week just because I was out of routine and forgot to take them out of my suitcase. B6 is something you get from diet and is passed thru breastmilk so that makes sense. I have to crush some up and give it to her in a bottle each night. I'm taking her back to Childrens hospital on Monday for another EEG to check things out.

Last night I went to bed around 11. I woke up around 6. Get it? Lila slept through the night, bless her sweet little soul. I do not think I just got lucky with a good sleeper. I have reason to believe that a certain toddler exhausts her. Anabelle shrieks, " Oh Mom, Baby Lila's sleeping!" the second her eyelashes flutter. The next second they are wide open because they have grubby little paws poking them or "drumming" her belly while singing her a "lullaby". I noticed yesterday that Lila often cries at the sound of Anabelle's voice. We're working on the meaning of "gentle" at our house. If I tell her one more time to "be soft" I'm going to start poking myself in the eye.

The other fantastic update in our lives, and by far the most important, is that we have discovered the most scrumptious treat ever. Braden makes fun of me regularly for my overuse of the word "ever". But in this case I feel that even he would deem it at least appropriate, if not necessary. Without further delay: Publix premium low fat frozen yogurt in cool mint spooned out by chocolate animal crackers. If you try it and don't become a huge fan please drop yours off at our house.

A travesty, a sham, and a mockery

So check this out. The other day Braden was on his way to take our broken computer to get fixed, and on the way something from a truck in front of him flys out and his tire explodes. So he doesn't take the computer. By this time he has to go to work. He drives my car to work. My car doesn't start when he tries to come home from work. So the next day he drives his car (on the donut) to try to figure out the deal on my car. It was at this time that he notices that the computer is missing from his car. The same computer with the pictures and videos of the first month of Lila's life that exist nowhere else. He comes inside and tells me and I begin to immediately cry my head off. He made some signs and posted them around and within the hour we had the computer back. Busted up and beyond repair. But at least hopefully we have the hard drive so one day we can pay some rich geek to give me my pictures back. So I feel better. A whole lot better. At this point in my life I do not care about the loss of the computer. Put it on the list. I think everything we own (or financed) that has a key or a cord is broken. That's not true. I can be so dramatic. Our ugly-as-sin six dollar toaster that I want to break, is solid. And I have no complaints against our quesadilla maker either. That thing has been going strong for years. Which, tragically, may just be our most used kitchen appliance. We really would have problems if that thing acted up. Braden thinks he's eating crappy now....

Anyway, so yesterday we find a box of girl scout cookies on the doorstep with a note unmistakeably written by a male adolescent. So let's recap: Some 11 year old neighborhood hoodlums break into our car, steal our computer causing me to bawl my little eyeballs out, steals cookies from some cute little girl in a little tan jumper, and then leaves them at my door? Are you kidding me? If they had left thin mints or samoas- well that's somethin. But it's some sort of shortbread rubbish. Who apologizes with shortbread?

OK fine. The only hard facts of my case are that our computer was stolen and we did recieve a box of cookies on our doorstep from one of the apartments above us. I made the connection between the two events. Maybe I'm wrong and we have a secret admirer. Or maybe someone was just being super sweet and I'm being a total jerk. In any case, I'm going to make a dang quesadilla.

Humbled...

Sitting in church yesterday I realized looking in Anabelle's backpack that everything in there was given to her by a ward member or a friend during the last month. Right down to the snacks and juice box. And glancing around the room I began to recall the meals, cards, gifts, babysitting, phone calls, and emails from an overwhelming amount of people in that room. Some that we know well and others not at all, but the love and concern was the same. It was a humbling realization that Braden and I have marveled at time and time again in the recent weeks. There has also been an amazing outpouring of support from friends & family near and far. I have had a few people tell me that they are amazed at our strength or faith. Which is interesting. I have felt strength beyond my own throughout the last few months. I have felt the power of the prayers of others literally bolster and carry me. I think of all times we heard, " We're praying for Lila" and I always wanted to say, " I know, I can feel it".

I was talking to my Mom on the phone one night in the hospital and she told me something to the effect that she was proud of our faith. If you know anything about my Mom or her life you realize what a compliment this was. I can sincerly say that I don't personally know anyone more faithful than my Mom. My freshman year of high school my Dad had an AVM rupture in his brain that left him in the hospital and unable to work. My Mom began teaching kindergarten during the day and going to school at night because she was teaching on an emergency credential. She was literally working around the clock to support us and there were times I went days without seeing her. At that time I was waking up at 4:30 every morning to attend seminary before school. I will never forget waking up and walking past the living room to find her kneeling in prayer in the insane morning hours. Or finding on the kitchen table amidst her endless school papers and projects, her scriptures open, lying on top of everything else she had to get done. What an impression this made on me. She'll probably never understand how much I appreciate this example of faith. It told me that when things are hard you pray. You do the things that keep you close to the Lord, the things that remind you how blessed you are. What I love most about this is that she wasn't trying to teach me anything. She had no idea that I snuck past her all those mornings in the wee hours. She just lives that way, that is who she is. And now that I have my own daughters there's nothing I want more for them than to rely on the Lord and trust in His love. We named Anabelle after my Mom because I want her to remember the faith of her grandmother and her stalwart diligence to do what is right.

I know it broke my Mom's heart not to be here with us recently, but every time I told her of the kind things people had done for us she would cry in gratitude that we were being taken care of. I feel like our ward and friends here were the answer to our families prayers who could not be with us. We feel so overwhelmed with blessings and overcome with the feeling that the Lord is watching over our little family and caring for us through others.

Wow, a week went by?

I've been easing myself back into exercising. I decided one morning this week that I might try to break into a little jog during my morning walk. This was the same morning that I was trying out a great jogging stroller given us recently by a friend. I start out walking and Anabelle says, "Mom, go faster". So I start running and she begins clapping and yelling, "Oh! Yea Mommy!" So I start thinking that perhaps this is a good situation. She's so encouraging and excited about my effort. This could be my ticket back into shape. So after a bit I start feeling sore in all the right places so I return to walking. Anabelle immediately says, "Mom, go faster. Run Mom. Run again. Go fast again." Hmph. So I run again. You know, trying to impress the coach. But after a few minutes when I try to walk again I get the same nagging,"Run Mom, go faster. Again, again Mom. Go fast again". I spare her the details about the labor but I do briefly explain the situation and tell her that I'm tired and need to take a break. She says to me with furrowed mocking brows and pursed lips, "Oooohhhh. Mommy's tired. Mommy needs to rest." It was a voice that told me my kid thinks I'm sissy sauce. Well I'm not taking that voice from a one year old. So I finish my little run and wobble inside to get the olympian toddler a drink because she says she's hot and thirsty. I think tomorrow I'll take Lila in the stroller and Anabelle can sit the bench.

I had a nagging thought that the reflux medicine from the first hospital had caused the seizures in Lila. I really felt strongly that that might be the case after researching the drug and finding that it has not been recommended for children and its severe side effects are neurological problems and seizures. My detective skills may not be the sharpest, but the seizures started shortly after that medicine began, and stopped immediately when we took her off that drug. So on Tuesday I didn't give her the morning dose. Still no seizure all day. So I also skipped the nightly dose. No seizure. The last medicine she had was Monday night and she hasn't had anything happen all week. Now I'm no doctor but the truth is they have no idea what is going on with her either, so she has just been medicated experimentally. I will take her to see the neurologist on Monday and maybe he will be upset that I did that. But I'm sort of over letting the doctors be the boss. In retrospect I feel like there was some sloppy medical care and perhaps some of this mess could have been prevented. Maybe I'm wrong and I'm open to that but in the mean time I feel okay about having stopped the medicine. Who knows where we'll go from here. All I know is that there's just nothin better than cuddling your own baby and smelling their newness and that's what I'm doing right now so things aren't so bad in my world.

Back in the saddle

Not one seizure since we've been home. It has been so nice not to see them all the time. She has also been much more alert because the seizures exhaust her. I'm not saying we won't see them again, but I'm so grateful for the vast improvement.

Anabelle has been such a champ through it all. I just couldn't have asked more of such a little person with their life turned upside down for so long. Thus far, she is totally obsessed with Lila and can't get enough of her. I'm prepared for the day when that may end, but for now it's mostly entertaining and so stinkin sweet. We do have our moments. Yesterday when Braden was leaving the hospital with her to drop her off for yet another sleepover I said, "Anabelle I love you so much" and she said, "I love Julienne. I love Julienne. I love Julienne" (The name of our friend). Talk about insta-tears. But she has also started to get possessive of me. I'm no longer "Mama", I've become "My Mama". I'm not sure if she's implying "not Lilia's Mama" but......

The other night I was putting her in bed and she said "I want to sleep with Mom." I said "I know, I want to sleep with you too, but I'm not going to bed right now. I have to clean the house." To which she began pleading, " I need to clean the house with Mama. I need to help Mama. I need to clean the house." As I walked out of her room listening to her kind request (that was getting louder and more desperate with every step) I thought, "Don't you fret sister. Your day is coming."

The time has now come for me to return to my kitchen after my month off and be useful and productive again. Sigh. I'm making a snack for church tomorrow for choir practice because Braden is the choir director and he wants to bribe people into staying. No shame in that. I've always been a strong believer in the power of a pumpkin muffin. And bribery in general. That's how I passed high school Journalism. And as it turns out, it's totally fine that I never showed up to class. I'm still a published writer thanks to blogger.com

Home again....

...this time for longer hopefully. When I say longer what I mean is forever. We got the results back from one test that showed she does not have herpes. I do not have herpes. Braden does not have herpes. But it sure looked like she might have it. She fit an awful lot of the symptoms perfectly. And she could have gotten it from anyone with a cold sore so I actually was worried today. Herpes kills infants or at least causes severe brain damage. Who knew? So they had her on an IV treating her like she had it just in case. But when we got the results they set us free. So now we return to the waiting game. We will continue to get results back for the next six weeks. Hopefully we don't find anything in any of them. She has had fewer seizures in the last few days. Not sure if that's due to the new med or the taking her off the old one for reflux. Which by the way, upon reading up on, I discovered that it should not be given to children and also not to people with seizures. Perfect, thanks for that one. What a bucket of hogwash. I also have not hooked her back up to her monitor, except at night when we're sleeping. It doesn't really make any sense to us in our opinion. If she does have a period of apnea it would most likely be caused by the seizure, and I am aware of every seizure. She has a distinct cry when she's coming out of one. So we're just gonna have a normal little wee one without any IV's, tubes, wires, cords, needles, or monitors. How exciting. We go back to the hospital to see the neurologist next week and see how things are progressing. It will probably take a while of tweeking her meds to find a dose that is effective at controlling the seizures while still allowing an acceptable living situation for us. Apparently the drugs will most likely make her tired and irritable. It's hard to imagine Lila irritable. I had a little chat with her and just explained that it would really be better for everyone if she not start being cranky. I explained that her sister is almost 2 and we're working with her on some tantrum and manner issues. She was very attentive and I'm pretty sure she's on our side about this one. She's heard Anabelle get rowdy when it's time to leave the pool. What a scene. At least Lila can hide in her carseat.

So it's party weekend for us. I'd hate to undercelebrate the fact that my kid doesn't have herpes. I've never thrown a party of this nature however so I'm open to suggestions. I figure start with some cupcakes, a little hummus and pita chips (fellow loyal Costco patronizers- you know what I'm talkin about). We'll have to take it from there.

The latest on Lila...

Well we enjoyed our weekend home as a female filled family of four. It was nice to be together on our own turf. I wanted to post our Fourth of July frolickings but sadly our computer broke. Braden remembered our old college compy stashed safely under our bed, and that is what I'm using now. I realize that is no place for a computer. Especially one that rightfully belongs in the Smithsonian because it is actually the first and slowest laptop ever. This post is actually a few days in the making. Lila could very well be missing the bus to school by the time it works.

Once we were caring for Lila on our own around the clock we realized how often she was having her seizure-like episodes. It was bothersome to us and disturbing to see. We just didn't feel right about things. I took her to the pediatrician check up on Tuesday morning. I took with me a video clip of one of her episodes to show the doctor. He felt uncomfortable with it and immediately left the room to make a phone call. He returned telling me that a neurologist at Children's Hospital downtown was waiting for me to bring her there immediately. I picked up Braden and Anabelle and we spent the rest of the day there. When the neurologists saw the clip he was also concerned. They did another EEG but she didn't have one during the 30 minute test. She had one right before and right after of course. So the doctor told me to count over the next two days how many she has and also to try to get more of them on tape. However, he called me yesterday morning and told me to bring her in to the hospital. When I got here he said that he reviewed the EEG from Tuesday and found abnormalities. Whatever that means. He said that they are seizures. He admitted her and hooked her up to an extended EEG in hopes of catching them on video stream as well being able to see the brain activity. My count at that point was 18 in about 15 hours. It is terrible to see and they became so frequent. I sat by her bed and pushed a button every time she had one throughout the night. He also ordered several blood tests but they have had so much trouble getting any. They have tried since we got here yesterday and just barely got a needle in tonight. It took eight different people, including a few specialists and two IV therapists. Each time they came they blew her veins and stuck her several times, pumping her skin and purposefully making her cry to try to get some. I could only take so many hours of this. Braden came last night when the seventh person was attempting. He said it is the saddest he has ever been. This morning after they took her off the EEG they did a spinal tap and a skin biopsy. So far the spinal tap has shown that she has an elevated red blood cell count and also elevated protein. This leads them to think the seizures may be from some type of infection. They have started her on an IV for one virus and are awaiting the results to see if she actually has any viruses. That should come back tomorrow evening. The skin biopsy will be used to grow a culture from her tissue which will take about 6 weeks. The neurologist said we are hoping that all of the tests sent out come back negative and that we never find out why she is seizuring because many of the things they are testing for at this point are rare diseases, many without treatments or good outcomes. Life altering is what he called them. He said even when her brain is not seizuring, her brain activity is not normal. They have started her on an anti convulsion medication and also vitamin B6 to see if that makes a difference and also discontinued the reflux drugs. At the other hospital they thought she was having reflux and that was causing her to have desats. They were not concerned with what I thought looked like a seizure. Here, we know that they are seizures and it is likely that that is actually the cause of the desats. Hmmm. Sorta wish we showed up here a few weeks ago. Plus this place sorta rocks. You know, as much as a hospital can rock. They showed Wall-e today and Braden and Anabelle went on a little date together. Braden also discovered they have basketball courts, air hockey, arcade games, and much more. And Abelle gets to be toted around in a wagon everywhere she goes. Which she is eating up. And who wouldn't really?

So back to the waiting game. Many of the tests take weeks to come back so hopefully we can take Lila home again this weekend and wait for the results there. As cool as air hockey is, I choose not to have 34 people come in a night to check on lactation, nutrition, medication, or whether there are paper towels in the bathroom. I know that there are no paper towels at home, I wonder if we could get a roll to go? We feel like we are finally in the right place and that we are working toward a real solution this time. We are so glad she can be seen here. I'm here with Lila tonight and I'm anxious for my 26 pound hopping ball of comic relief to show up in the morning. It is so hard on me to be without her. Lookin forward to her crackin me up in the morning. Without pooping somewhere. That's not all that funny anymore.